When Kate Winslet gushed through her wobbly acceptance speeches at last month’s Golden Globes ceremony, I had a sneaky thought.

“Imagine her face if she doesn’t win the Oscar,” I heard myself say. There was a collective gasp from the people around me. I had made the unthinkable possible by saying it out loud.

What if the Best Actress gong goes to Meryl Streep, who deserves an Oscar just for being Meryl Streep? Or Angelina Jolie, famously referred to as ‘the other one’ by Kate at the Golden Globes… Poor Kate is always the bridesmaid at the Oscars, having missed out several times. If it happens again at this weekend’s ceremony and she has to re-arrange her facial muscles into the dead-eyed grin of a brave loser, it’ll be her biggest acting challenge to date.

I admit I’d probably smirk. But the less mean-spirited side of me hopes Kate wins; she’s a good actress and she’s British. And we Brits love whupping the Americans at their Oscars – even if our only winners are a little Plasticine man and his dog.

If Kate wins she’s entitled to be emotional. You can be forgiven for shedding a few tears if you win an Oscar. But here’s hoping she doesn’t go overboard. There’s something toe-curlingly awful about a tear-stained luvvie droning on about their ‘craft’, thanking everyone from the midwife who delivered them to whoever picks up their dry cleaning.

There’s no more self-congratulatory profession than acting. And nobody takes themselves seriously like an actor does. I’ve interviewed plenty of actors over the years; they’re generally polite and friendly, and some are delightful. But the odd one or two are so full of self-importance they can barely breathe. They talk about acting as if it’s the most noble, vital and demanding profession.

It really isn’t. Let’s face it, it’s a narcissistic and pretty ridiculous way to earn a living.

Of course I admire great actors, and good drama or comedy can stir the soul, feed the mind or lift the spirits like nothing else. But, as a drama coach might say, let’s get some perspective here.

Saving lives, working with damaged children or disturbed adults, delivering aid to danger zones or poverty-ravaged corners of the globe, nursing the elderly, enduring long shifts of tough manual labour or simply working the daily grind of the nine-to-five to feed your family. That’s noble, vital and demanding.

Learning your lines and reciting them with feeling isn’t in the same league. If glamour models, boy band crooners and reality TV stars can have a crack at acting – and plenty have – it can’t be that hard.

Actors, get over yourselves. If you win an award, enjoy the moment. But save the histrionics for the film set.