Former ITN presenter John Suchet received thousands of letters from carers after talking about his wife’s dementia last year.

He has since undergone the trauma of putting his wife into a care home, and was advised by a specialist nurse to keep a journal of his feelings and experiences, as part of the grieving process.

In his book My Bonnie: How Dementia Stole The Love Of My Life, he describes the day he and his wife left their home together for the last time, the one-way rail ticket he bought for her, and the single room awaiting her in the care home.

It’s a heartbreaking process that many relatives of people with dementia will recognise.

Helplessly watching a loved one as they deteriorate, mentally and physically, is like a bereavement you can’t move on from. Not only are you grieving the loss of the person they once were, you have the practical and emotional difficulties of caring for them. Knowing where to find support can be problematic and can leave carers feeling isolated.

With an increasingly older population, dementia is affecting rising numbers of people.

Following focus group discussions with carers, a new support service is being launched in the Bradford district.

Bradford Council’s Adult Mental Health Services, which did the research, approached family relationships charity Relate about setting up a counselling service and support group for families of people with dementia.

The service, Caring And Sharing, starts next month and will run as a pilot project until summer 2011, when it will be reviewed.

“People can become isolated and find it difficult to access support. We’ll offer an assessment of the carer and the person diagnosed with dementia,” says Relate manager Gill Midgley. “We’ll be looking at helping them come to terms with dementia and looking at the future and what it might entail. The service will focus on people’s relationships, their changing roles, such as man and wife to carer and patient, and how they can cope.

“The service also applies to those whose partners have gone into care. There can be feelings of guilt, not being able to move on or not knowing what to do. These things become more and more of an issue.”

Dementia not only has an impact on couples’ relationships, but also affects other family members who may have conflicting feelings. “The person with dementia may be a parent or grandparent,” says Gill. “The service is primarily offering support to the carer, and that can include all family members.”

The service will provide one-to-one counselling and support groups.

Becky Allright, strategic commissioning manager (with older people) from Bradford Council’s Adult Mental Health Services, says offering the right kind of psychological support can be as beneficial to carers as respite.

“Not everyone likes group meetings; some people are private and don’t want to sit in groups and talk about their experiences. Initial assessment will help people get the right support,” she says. “We’re also working with a sitting service, enabling carers to leave their relative in good hands.”

The service is primarily for relatives of people in the early stages of dementia.

“People go through different stages following a dementia diagnosis,” says Becky. “Early on, although it’s an awful shock, there may be little change to daily life apart from something like the person diagnosed not being able to drive. If we get carers of people in the early stages to come along, they’ll be in a better position to access more support as the dementia worsens.

“People can live with dementia for around 25 years. For those closest to them, it can be a long period of frustration and grieving for the person they once knew and the life they once had. Memory loss makes it hard to communicate and you lose shared experiences and memories. It can put a big strain on relationships, and when carers have their own health needs it makes things even harder.”

As well as providing support, the service looks at the positives of caring.

“Many people gain a lot from being a carer and wouldn’t want anyone else to take on the role. They want their loved one at home, but need adequate support,” says Becky. “Carers can get depressed, lonely and frustrated but counselling can increase self-esteem and confidence, resulting in carers having a stronger relationship with their loved one.”

- For more about Caring And Sharing, ring (01274) 726096.