At last, an acronym that fits my lifestyle. It's a long time since I was a FIT - Financially Independent Twentysomething - and I've ceased to qualify as a DINK - Dual Income No Kids. But I certainly fit the bill of the latest acronym to surface - TINS - Two Incomes, No Sex.

But whereas I have always had a genuine disregard for the vastly overrated physical act, most TINS couples are there because, after a hard working day, they are just too tired to make love.

Their lives are so hectic that, when they do see each other, they are too exhausted even to think about fornication.

Now I know all about being tired. My husband and I - both working and child-rearing - spend 90 per cent of the week in a trance-like state, somewhere between sleep and coma.

And, I believe, people who think their lack of sex is as bad as it gets aren't really tired at all. The headline-grabbing acronym TINS doesn't reflect true exhaustion. For those who are really tired, like me and my husband, I suggest:

l TINC - Two Incomes No Conversation: never mind the sex, we don't have time to talk.

l TINR - Two Incomes No Romance: the last time we kissed I was living on a student grant.

l TINF - Two Incomes No Food: we're usually so stressed out that neither of us gets around to shopping, and we only realise it at 10pm, then have to ring for a pizza.

l Or how about a second TINF - Two Incomes No Fun: We genuinely can't remember the last time we laughed (at the same time, in the same room, about the same thing).

l TINLR: Two Incomes No Loo Roll - why is it that whenever we do get around to shopping, we always overlook this essential item? We have home delivery pizzas, nappies and even booze - it's a gap in the market if ever there was one.

That's what real tiredness is all about - being so shattered that, when you're not huffing and puffing around the supermarket, you can't be bothered to go out...

Which leads to yet another TINF - Two Incomes No Friends. We've been scrubbed off at least two dozen Christmas card lists over the past couple of years for repeatedly turning down invitations. And even if we did feel up to a night out, we couldn't accept (TINB - Two Incomes No Babysitter).

Could anyone really miss sex when they've got all that to contend with? And to top it all, we've got to live with a host of other major inconveniences which add to life's rocky road, including:

l TINWM: Two Incomes No Washing Machine, though, I have to say, this is more down to sluggish builders taking more than a year to do our kitchen. With two kids I crave a tumble drier far more than a tumble between the sheets.

Which brings me to perhaps the most irksome acronym, one that fits my lifestyle like a glove and which, with a growing family, will apply to us for at least the next two decades:

l TINM: Two Incomes No Money.

Converted for the new archive on 30 June 2000. Some images and formatting may have been lost in the conversion.