After Christmas, when folk over-indulged in food, drink, consummate spending and Ulrika Jonsson, there used to be a quiet period when there was nothing to get excited about except infrequent flurries of snow.

The nights were long and cold and spring/Mother's Day/Easter were a long way away. But then someone had a brainwave. Here was something to cheer up those winter months and, not only that, a chance to spend loads of money unnecessarily, an excuse to go out for a romantic meal and have a fight with your other half - hurrah for Valentine's Day!

This day, which for those uninitiated among us, falls on February 14 every year, has become a national institution (though I sometimes think that this nation should be in an institution) and a record 12 million cards are expected to be sent this year.

We are always whipped into a frenzy at this time of year. You will see the shops full of those huge red satin suitcase-sized cards with love hearts on, little teddy bears bearing the words "I love you", and the personal columns in the local paper will be full of slushy messages such as: "From Tootsie Wootsie to Flumpie Chumpie" or something.

On commercial radio you will hear endless requests for Celine Dion/Bryan Adams/Whitney Houston songs. You will be reminded to buy roses/chocolates/perfume for your beloved, and horrid red satin lingerie will uncomfortably linger in shop windows. Meanwhile those people not in relationships will start to feel as popular as Glenn Hoddle.

Some people look forward to the most romantic day of the year with feverish pleasure. Why not take a little time out from our busy, hectic lifestyles, folk say. Women are earning, having babies, driving, and doing man's work (burping in public), so why not make some time for a little fun and frivolity?

It is not fashionable to say so but we do sometimes hark back to the good old days when men went out to earn the money and women stayed at home with the children. You didn't have to leave the house at 7.30 in the morning and return at 7.30 in the evening and sleep straight through till the morning, only waking five times to change the new-born's nappy, heat up his milk and fight off some burglars.

Meanwhile Valentine's day is a time to get out a slushy yukky red heart and fork out for things that you would never buy in your right mind, or at least I think so...

I don't know. Maybe Valentine's Day is just commercial nonsense designed to make money from unsuspecting fools. Women will propose to their men and, let's face it, if the men were that keen on them in the first place they would already have married them. But who knows. When you have been together for 30 years, through thick and thin (you were thin and he was thick) then you need every opportunity to celebrate.

And now I must be off, I think I can hear the postman and I'm expecting a special delivery...

Converted for the new archive on 30 June 2000. Some images and formatting may have been lost in the conversion.