NOW here's a turn up for the book. Beggarsdale has hit the glossies, which has set the village abuzz. Sadly, our great rivals Crookedale are in there too, which has taken the edge off things for some.

Cousin Kate the postmistress got wind that something was up when the Innkeeper's Lady from the Beggars' Arms was in shortly after 7am, buying up every extra copy of Yorkshire Aspirational, the monthly mag for the nouveaux riche.

Now the Beggars' takes the mag on subscription, anyway, delivered through the post - which, of course, Kate supervises as well as selling the newspapers - so she was a bit puzzled why so many extra copies (all two of them!) were required.

The lady seemed too preoccupied for a chat, however, so Kate left the question unasked. Seconds later, the phone rang and it was the new landlady of the Crooked Inn from over the tops, demanding in an excited whisper: "Have you any copies of Yorkshire Aspirational on sale - and if so, would you reserve them all for me."

Now the Crooked Inn is not even a customer, so Kate did not have the brass neck to ask why. Instead, she ordered husband Mean Mike into Mar'ton to buy a YA.

It was almost two hours before he got back - he'd had difficulty in finding a copy because a lady from Crookedale had beaten him to it at the main paper shop - and by this time, Kate was fuming with frustration.

She ripped the magazine from his hand and began to scan it furiously. At first she found nothing and snorted with anger. Then she looked at the contents index and there it was, on the Dining Out Page:

Dales Delights: Arabella Angus compares two rival rural restaurants.

Now Arabella Angus is the YA food critic and is known for her savagery if restaurateurs do not show her the respect she considers herself due.

This, in particular, involves providing her with a lot of space and a large-ish chair for, in girth, she is not dissimilar to her near namesake, Aberdeen Angus.

And there, on her two-page spread with pictures of both establishments in full colour, was her story:

Crookedale fusion versus Beggarsdale Olde English.

In it, she compared the relative merits of the traditional English country fare provided by the Beggars' and the international cuisine laid on by the southern couple who have just taken over the Crooked Inn (which we know simply as The Crook).

As usual, AA was a bit sniffy about both, which is her trademark. She seemed to be particularly miffed that she had not been recognised in either establishment, which reflected somewhat badly on the Beggars' for, as she said:

"I suppose I can excuse that at the Crooked Inn, for they are absolute newcomers to the Dales, but the people at the Beggars' Arms have been there for absolutely ever."

However, after a few similar drippings of vitriol, she actually came to a rather promising conclusion.

She favourably compared the Beggars' jugged hare with the Crook's monkfish tail in lime sauce and added:

"Either of these places make a trip to the Dales worthwhile. Personally, I would go twice because each is so good in its own different way that I cannot really say which is best."

In the past, the Beggars' and the Crook have fought it out at rugby and cricket, darts or doms. Now, I suppose, if will be souffls at dawn!

* The Curmudgeon is a satirical column based on a fictitious character in a mythical village.