I was settling down to write this column when the post arrived.

We rarely get junk mail because we have signed up to a preference scheme, but somehow this morning a magazine that we hadn't ordered slipped through the net. I'm glad it did, because it gave me plenty of material for the day's task.

It was the spring catalogue for a company (I won't give its title because I don't want to advertise it in any way) that promotes products that make life easier'. What astonishing products they are.

Naturally it shows a healthy-looking smiling, attractive woman in her middle years on the front cover. It's a great invitation to see what is inside.

Sadly the contents don't measure up to the cover. I'm astonished by the claims that the magazine makes in its health' sections. I'd like to share a few of my thoughts on them, because they are typical of the way products are promoted without any evidence for their effectiveness. Some are simply nonsense, others can even be damaging if followed as advertised.

Ill start with the cellulite adverts. One, for example, promotes MicroMassage Pants', which you should wear for eight hours a day over two months for maximum benefit. The benefit being, of course, that they massage away excess fat from under the skin in that time.

They are clinically tested' and have a 98 per cent success rate' - presumably in those who manage to last for the advised two months. That is astonishing, if true, because it would have been the first time that massage has ever been proven to change the structure of subcutaneous tissues. So why have we doctors not heard about them before? I'd love to see the evidence, preferably published in a respected medical journal.

Then there is the roller suction massager that promises to massage your lymph system to mobilise the excess fluids which are the main cause of cellulite'.

What fashion editors call cellulite (it isn't a word that we would use) is simply collections of fatty tissue under the skin, giving a dimpling appearance. There is no excess fluid in it, and you can't massage fat into the lymphatics. That would be a very dangerous thing to do, as it could lead to a fat embolus' in the veins returning to the heart, which could then enter the lungs and cause serious illness and even death. So no thanks, I'll give the suction massager a wide berth.

Then there is the claim about the UK's leading nutritionist specialising in women's health'. Under the headline Want a trimmer tum? Let the No.1 expert help you', the nutritionist promotes her best-selling' book Fat Around the Middle. Apparently she has formulated three vital supplements' to support your efforts. They contain a high-potency multivitamins and mineral formula', amino acids' and a major boost' of vitamin C. Naturally you can buy these vitamin supplements along with her book.

I have serious misgivings about a nutrition expert' promoting her own brands of supplements. Excessive vitamins and minerals are unnecessary and can be damaging, and a good nutritionist should know that.

A final sentence in her blurb states people with high levels of vitamin C tend to have less fat than those with low intakes'. That's because, of course, people with high vitamin C levels eat more fruit and vegetables than those with lower levels, who tend to eat more meat and convenience foods.

If you are already fat, simply taking a vitamin C supplement won't help you lose weight. You will simply raise your blood vitamin C level slightly, then excrete the rest. Your kidneys are very efficient in getting rid of any extra vitamin C you swallow in the form of pills.

I could go on and on about this magazine. One treatment claims that its pulses of red and infrared light are believed to help your body's natural healing process. Note the weasel words are believed to': they are to ensure that the makers can't be sued for claiming unproven health benefits. But the product that really makes me laugh most are the shaping pants with two extra secrets'. They have panels to flatten your tummy and to shape the buttocks'. That's fair enough - but the two ingredients?

They are mango butter and caffeine capsules, which are released as you move about. They are claimed to firm, tone, soften and moisturise the skin. How firming and softening go together I'm not sure, but that isn't my main concern about them. What happens to the mango butter when it is released? And how many times can you wash these pants before they lose their magical ingredients? They aren't throw-away, because they cost £32.95 each. Wow!

I think I'll stick to my fuddy-duddy ways: I won't be buying any of the products from the magazine, even for research purposes. It did give me a laugh, but there is a sobering side to such stuff. It is that people might be duped into buying them, as they are presented so skilfully.

Please beware: this sort of advertising is the 21st century's equivalent of the Victorian snake-oil salesman's pitch, and it seems it is still catching the unsuspecting buyer. Please don't be one of them.