A proud-looking dad strides through the aisles of a supermarket like a hunter in the wild, filling his trolley with Christmas goodies, to the delight of his wife and children.

The festive TV advert is one of many currently doing the rounds, all giving out the message that Christmas, and all the preparation for it, is a time for mum, dad and their 2.5 children.

The reality is that Christmas is often a stressful time for parents – particularly those who are separated.

Both parties want to spend time with their children and to ensure that they have the best Christmas possible, but this can seem difficult to achieve when children have to divide their time between parents who are living apart.

Even those parents who have been able to establish a reliable pattern of contact throughout the year can find it hard to maintain arrangements when routines are thrown into disarray by an onslaught of extra activities and demands over the festive season.

And at a time of year when already-squeezed finances are stretched to breaking point, the problem of access may seem insurmountable, particularly for parents whose relations are still turbulent or strained following a break-up.

Disputes over access to children at Christmas are nothing new, and until relatively recently there has been a tendency to assume that where parents are unable to reach agreement, the courts will step in to make the decision for them, or that solicitors will negotiate on their behalf.

While both methods have their place, in many cases the quickest and least costly way of resolving a dispute about contact is through family mediation.

The work of a mediator, unlike that of the courts or a solicitor, is not just to help parents to reach an agreement about a particular issue – such as how to agree a fair division of time over Christmas – it is also to get them to begin talking to one another again, and to provide them with the tools to keep lines of communication open into the future.

Janet Feather-Moore of West Yorkshire Family Mediation Service, based in Bradford, says mediation leads to open communication between parents “who not only express their own needs, but are also encouraged to listen to the needs of the other”.

“When arrangements for contact have broken down, it’s often because communication has broken down. If communication can be restored, the whole family benefits, especially the children,” says Janet.

“At WYFMS we believe that if parents have been able to discuss things harmoniously in the past, even if this was only when they were together as a couple, we can help them to find a way to do so again when making arrangements for their children.”

Shipley mum Charlotte Harris separated from her husband three years ago and says mediation has helped to ease tensions at Christmas.

“We didn’t get divorced and we didn’t want to involve courts or solicitors with issues over access.

“We separated quite amicably, and for the Christmas after the split we wanted to try and work out arrangements for access ourselves,” she says.

“But it soon transpired that all the logistics and planning going into Christmas were causing extra pressures, and we couldn’t agree on some points of access. We sought some advice and decided we needed a third party to help us sort it out.

“Going to mediation was a big help. It gave us both chance to sit down and talk, with someone who wasn’t on either side.

“We told each other what we wanted out of Christmas, in terms of being with the children and trying to make things as disruption-free for them as we could, and we listened to each other. We’d spent so much time bickering it was good to just sit and talk, and listen.

“The agreements we came to have lasted, and we have put them into place ever since at Christmas and other times, like summer holidays. It has simplified situations that could have been very difficult to sort out.

“It has been good for the children, too, as they have seen their parents able to sort out arrangements without resorting to arguments that can potentially spoil precious family times.”

West Yorkshire Family Mediation Service is at Manor Row, Bradford. For more information, ring (01274) 732768 or visit wyfms.co.uk.