WHAT'S in a name?

In terms of the pecking order, this week's Royal arrival isn't hugely significant but it seems likely he will be given a name fit for a king, regardless. At the time of writing, the new prince's name is yet to be announced. Favourites include Arthur, James, Philip and Alexander.

At a recent football match between William’s team Aston villa and rivals Cardiff City, Will is said to have told fans: "I’m going to insist the baby is called Jack" after Jack Grealish scored. I'm not sure even the future King can insist on his own child's name. Whatever William and Kate call their new son, it will likely be from a limited pool of traditional names. Well, it's hardly going to be TJ, is it?

Even if Kate wanted to go down the Kim and Kanye route and call him Crown or Monarch, she'd have no chance. And thank goodness for that. I always wince whenever I heard of a celebrity baby landed with a ridiculous name. It smacks of a desperate bid by the parents to milk publicity out of their offspring, or further boost a family "brand", without a second thought to how the poor child will get through life with a name that barely even passes for a name.

The Geldofs started it in the 80s, calling their daughters Fifi Trixibelle, Peaches and Pixie. Paula Yates went on to name her fourth child, with Michael Hutchence, Heavenly Hiraani Tiger Lily, which sounds like exotic wallpaper.

Of all the lovely names she could've chosen, Gwyneth Paltrow decided on Apple for her daughter. How dull. Kim Kardashian screamed: "Look at us" with her choice of baby names - North (just to thing to call a child whose surname is West), Saint and the most recent addition, Chicago. Other celebrity baby names include Journey, Future, Dream, Pilot and Everest, (George Lucas's daughter, so I guess it could have been worse...Yoda, Stormtrooper, R2-D2...).

Even these naff choices seem fairly run-of-the-mill compared to Moon Unit, the name Frank Zappa's daughter was saddled with, and, perhaps worst of all, Blanket, Michael Jackson's youngest child. It might have seemed cute when he was a baby, clutching a blanket, but the lad is a teenager now. Even with a showbiz heritage, you can't be 15 and cool if your name is Blanket. What if he grows up to be a lawyer or a doctor?

There's something selfish about giving a child a silly name. They'll be stuck with it all the way through school, college and adult life. Particularly unusual names, or daft spellings, must be so tiresome for children destined to spend their lives constantly spelling their name, and sending back official documents bearing various incorrect versions.

Working on a newsdesk, I came across an article which mentioned a child called Befani. I asked the reporter who'd written it to check the spelling. Turns out it was indeed Befani, presumably because her parents couldn't spell Bethany, or had made up their own version. Why should people be allowed to make up names? They're not allowed to in France, where there are strict rules about naming children. If you bring a child into the world, the least you can do is give them a proper name. Don't get me started on initials. The likes of TJ or AJ are okay as nicknames, but at least be bothered to give your child a full name.

Name trends evolve - Archie, Elise and Lily are popular now, as they were a century ago, whereas post-war baby names like Dorothy, Pauline and Derek are now dated. But established names are part of our history. How sad if they died out in favour of daft, self-indulgent inventions.

* OCCASIONALLY, in my job, I meet people who remind me not to take life for granted. One such person is Caz Ibberson, diagnosed with Parkinson’s Disease aged 46.

Caz struggled for years to get a diagnosis - despite having symptoms, she was repeatedly told by medics she was too young to have Parkinson's - and now she's unable to do everyday tasks and is abused in public by people who assume her tremors are because of a drink problem.

“When you have Parkinson's you have to plan for a new kind of life," said Caz, who has had to sell her house and move into a bungalow, because she can no longer climb stairs, and abandon her retirement dream of touring Europe. Yet she remains positive and is helping other younger people with Parkinson's.

I'm the same age as Caz and can't imagine how I'd cope. Nowhere near as well as her, that's for sure.

* THE London Marathon is something I usually just half watch on telly, often nursing a strong coffee after a night out, feeling a bit guilty.

But last weekend I was in London, on a girls' weekend, and on Sunday we headed to The Mall to try and see some of the marathon. We ended up with a decent view of the finishing line, and even spotted Mo Farah and the two winners with their medals.

Watching runners on the last stretch of this gruelling run was moving and inspiring. I still don't get why anyone would put their body through that, but I'm full of admiration for those who do so for charity.