IN A list of the 50 modern ‘status symbols’ that people think they should possess, I have precisely NONE.

I don’t own a fancy car (or any car for that matter), an Aga, a Smeg fridge, a walk-in wardrobe or a home with electric gates.

I don’t send my children to private school, don’t have a second home and have no personal trainer.

Researchers who polled 2,000 adults in the UK identified these must-have items that people believe keep them one step ahead of the Joneses. The average Brit reckons they own four modern status symbols - although one in eight has more than ten. The thing is, there is nothing on the list - bar having my own tennis court - that I would actually want. Does that make me weird?