The ultimate stage makes – and breaks – reputations. Players touted as the best at their craft either bloom under the intense spotlight or wither away.

For every decent performance which can add another zero to a potential transfer fee, there is the absolute stinker which sends values plummeting faster than the economy.

This World Cup, more than any, has wrecked more than a few carefully-assembled profiles.

The bigger they come, the harder they fall. Who would have expected both 2006 finalists to stumble so feebly at the first hurdle?

When Mum and Dad Parker got married in 1966, their honeymoon in Milan was interrupted by the sight of local businessmen bashing each other on the head with rolled up newspapers.

Italy had just been dumped out of the World Cup by North Korea at Ayresome Park. The news did not travel well.

That Italian team flew back home to ignominy – and a barrage of rotten tomatoes. The 2010 brigade deserve no more fitting welcome.

“The worst team in our World Cup history,” boomed the front page of the country’s largest sports paper as the supposed champions were sent packing by Slovakia. Another bizarrely described the Italian team as performing like “mozzarella cheese”.

At least the French were happy to lose some of the heat. Their own government have waded in to the row over the farcical efforts of Les Bleus.

So I felt it was only fitting to honour the competition’s bumblers and blunderers. Forget Messi, Villa and, err, Defoe, and hail those who have treated the World Cup to displays that would embarrass the qualifying round of the Johnstone’s Paint Trophy.

Here is my own South Africa dream team – as in, they have been a dream to play against… The goalkeeping slot should be Robert Green’s by rights. But he was a one-hit – or rather, one miss – wonder.

With a respectful nod to the incompetent Algerian, I’ve opted for Denmark’s Thomas Sorensen. For someone playing for Stoke, you’d think he’d be able to deal with long balls and crosses. As for Japanese free-kicks, the less said the better.

The back four is held together by the Italian pairing of Fabio Cannavaro and Giorgio Chiellini. Or Steptoe and Son, as they are now known.

Actually, old man Steptoe probably possessed a quicker turn of pace. Was it really only four years ago that Cannavaro lifted the World Cup and was universally acclaimed the best defender on the planet?

Patrice Evra deserves a spot for losing any semblance of control within the French team. And I’d find a spot for South Africa captain Aaron Mokoena, whose generosity towards his country’s visitors extended to constantly playing them onside.

In midfield, I’ve drafted in the wooden Yoann Gourcuff, because you can’t have enough Frenchmen, Greek veteran Georgios Karagounis – who spent most games defending inside his own box – and Nigeria’s Sani Kaita. You remember him for the brainless kick off the pitch which earned a straight red against Greece and saw his side’s hopes disappear in the same instant.

Talking of Greece, you cannot name a forward line without including Theofanis Gekas. Apparently, he was the top scorer in qualifying. But his team-mates must have forgotten because they barely set him up once.

Nicolas Anelka is an obvious choice for reminding everyone why he still rejoices in the nickname ‘Le Sulk’. And compatriot, though hardly team ‘mate’, Franck Ribery is the overwhelming winner of the most over-rated, overhyped player of this – or any – tournament.

So put that team in the capable hands of Raymond Domenech, with Greek grinder Otto Rehhaggel offering his attacking input, and you’ve got an 11 that even New Zealand might fancy taking a shot at.