Cross John Terry with Steve Claridge and you come up with Brazil’s coach Dunga.

Maybe you have to squint a bit – well, until both eyes are virtually shut – but surely you can see it?

Likewise, Robinho is looking more and more like Tiger Woods. And the Mexican coach clearly shares the same dentist as Dick Emery’s vicar.

Such are the crucial little things you notice from watching wall-to-wall coverage from the first week of the World Cup.

Let’s face it, the first round of matches was hardly about the football. Tepid is putting it kindly.

Teams were frozen by the fear of failure; goals were as rare as hen’s teeth. And as for the standard of free-kicks… The post-match excuses have been all balls – and altitude and newly-laid pitches.

Supposedly the best players on the planet have been deemed incapable of controlling a football, just because it’s a little bit different to what they are used to.

Except the Germans, of course, who with typical Teutonic efficiency have been employing the controversial Jabulani in their Bundesliga since February.

I’ve got no problem with that – and not just because of my each-way pre-tournament bet on them at a healthy 14-1 (today’s 1-0 defeat to Serbia was surely just a blip).

Fail to prepare, prepare to fail as the old saying goes. Likewise, Argentina also made use of the new ball in the weeks building up to South Africa.

As for England, they couldn’t have a go beforehand because it is designed by a rival to their own equipment sponsors. And nothing talks louder in FA circles than money.

The biggest joke is that the World Cup ball was designed right under their noses at Loughborough University!

No wonder it has now been unofficially endorsed by Fabio Capello as the “worst he has ever seen”. Don’t expect that on the advertising.

So the combination of a dodgy ball and a widespread dread of starting with defeat inevitably churned out the most turgid first set of matches that I can remember from any World Cup.

Thankfully the tournament was saved by the Swiss – and who would have thought that? Their shock win over European champions Spain – admittedly only 1-0 again – delivered the much-needed spark that we have all been waiting for.

Now the competition can start for real. Already, the second phase has seen a huge improvement in quality and excitement. We’re even being treated to more than a couple of goals a game.

While the TV companies are determined to bang the African drum, you can forget a winner from that continent. The most impressive performances so far have come from South and Central America in the form of Argentina, Chile, Mexico and Uruguay.

Argentina were a laughing stock a year ago when they seemed on the brink of imploding under the madcap management of Diego Maradona. Now they are strolling about with the swagger of potential world champions.

Having walked into the top job with no previous experience, Maradona could emerge as a World Cup-winning coach as well as player. What would that say about all those courses that English wannabe managers must attend to pick up those precious coaching badges?

I still reckon an iffy defence will let them down. But it will be fun watching them try.

That’s what the World Cup should be about. Forget praising minor teams “doing a job” to frustrate opponents; we want to enjoy artists not artisans.

And please, no more talking balls.