Why did the tomato blush? It saw the salad dressing.

Does this joke tickle your tonsils? Or is it the type of worn-out gag in a cracker that makes you groan on Christmas Day?

Staff at Shipley Asda have been coming up with their own ribticklers after supermarket bosses decided cracker jokes were past their sell-by date.

The supermarket chain is now advertising for would-be Bradford comedians to come up with fresh gags for its 1998 crackers.

So can you do better than "Where do fish keep their money? In a river bank" and "What do you get if you walk under a cow? A pat on the head."

Asda want to hear from people who can compose at least 100 rib-tickling quips suitable for all the family.

Staff at the Shipley branch of Asda said the old ones were still the best.

Mary Barrett, on the checkout, said: "Some of the old jokes are OK and even if you've heard them before, you still laugh.

"The odd few are rubbish but overall I don't think they need changing. You're supposed to groan at the joke you find in your cracker."

Supermarket bosses will draw up a short list of candidates and the final choice will be made by shoppers at a store in the region.

The joke writers will have to read their gags out over the tannoy in the store and the reaction will be measured on a laugh-o-meter.

Janice Ward, administration manager at Shipley Asda, said: "Some of the Christmas cracker jokes have been around for years and they're a bit out of date.

"It's a good idea to change some of them but there are still a few that will always be funny.

"I couldn't think of any new ones myself, though."

Saltaire comedian Mark Rough said that people didn't expect to find funny jokes in their crackers.

"You know it's going to make you groan and that's the whole point," he said.

"Most of them are so bad that they're funny. It would be a bit of a shock for me if the joke in my cracker was any good."

Anyone interested in becoming a cracker-joke writer should write with a full CV and examples of their work to The Resourcing Department, Asda House, Great Wilson Street, Leeds, LS11 5AD.

Converted for the new archive on 30 June 2000. Some images and formatting may have been lost in the conversion.