You know how it is, you haven't bothered with the bathroom scales for a long time and suddenly you spy them behind the linen basket, and before you can stop yourself you have done the unthinkable - yes, stepped on them. And what a shock it is to discover that you have put on tons of weight.

With other people it is always really obvious to tell if they have gained weight or lost it - especially if you haven't seen them for a while. The same cannot be said about you, however, though the clues are blatant, eg you no longer fit into your size 12 jeans and when you are having a laugh with your mates and say jovially: "Ooh, I'm so fat" your friends don't say: "Oh, don't be silly, you're as thin as a rake" as they used to, and now fall strangely silent or say something like: "Yes, but your new image suits you."

Everyone is against fatness these days, even in Pakistan where being voluptuous was once highly prized and skinniness was a sign of a mean husband. Similarly, a portly husband signified a man who liked his wife's cooking (therefore a happy individual) and was not at all seen as a sign of ill-health and the result of using a whole packet of Adams butter to make one curry.

If you were slim they would call you weak and if you were fat they would call you healthy.

But now the streamlined look is in. It is a generally acknowledged fact that rolls of flesh on display under a skin-tight sari is not the height of fashion, and if you can pinch more than an inch, as in the words of the immortal Special K ad from the Eighties, it does not mean that you are wealthy and successful, but that you are a slob. And a fat one at that.

So, what can you do if you have piled on the pounds? It is not exactly the ideal time of year to be tucking into salads and dry crackers. This sudden drop in temperature usually has people diving for cover with an assortment of delicious goodies to keep depression at bay. Like lovely greasy chips, hot buttered toast and calorie-laden hot pizzas and pies.

Puddings are suddenly elevated in status in our house and become as necessary as soap operas. (We have to have at least three helpings a week). Chocolate especially is fun to eat when it is cold. There is nothing tempting about having it in the summer when it melts as soon as it comes out of the fridge.

The more you want to lose weight, however, the more appealing food becomes. Of course, there are lots of low-fat alternatives of our fave foods around, but personally I find them a little hard to swallow though they are advertised like crazy.

Even these old stalwarts Weight Watchers, the heroes of the underbelly, have employed clever advertising to say that you don't have to be on a diet to eat their food. Quite, but as they are so expensive, you do have to be a millionaire.

Meanwhile, you are standing on the scales and feeling dismayed. You know exactly what you have to do in order to lose those pounds. You could cut out all the junk food from your diet, drink eight glasses of water a day and eat plenty of fresh fruit and vegetables.

Or you could have another piece of cake to celebrate your new image.

Converted for the new archive on 30 June 2000. Some images and formatting may have been lost in the conversion.