with Tom Smith

CHRISTMAS is about receiving cards showing haloed angels blowing their trumpets or the robin redbreast perched on a snow-covered sprig of holly. Isn't it?

Of course it is.

The message inside will wish everyone seasonal greetings, and perhaps a line or two of family news. Characteristically, they will be from people you either see every week or never. Many people will spend a goodly amount of money both buying the cards and then sending them through the post.

Christmas is about the children. Isn't it?

Of course it is.

We all love to watch the little ones as they open their presents on Christmas Day, eyes wide and excited fingers tearing the paper to get at the gift inside. It's a sad fact that many of these toys will soon be gathering dust, lose their attraction or simply break. Surprisingly, the most successful toys will be the simplest and perhaps the cheapest.

Christmas is about eating and drinking. Isn't it?

Of course it is.

Christmas wouldn't be Christmas without the drinks cabinet heaving and the dinner table doing likewise. Getting stocked up for the big day is all part of the seasonal fun. That the stores and supermarkets are only closed for one or two days ne'er deters the intrepid shopper from buying twice as much as he or she needs. By the end of Boxing Day the variations on the turkey meal will have tested the skills of the most inventive Delia Smith or Keith Floyd.

Christmas is about fairy lights and trimming the tree. Isn't it?

Of course it is.

How could there be Christmas without Santa? His cheery "Ho, ho, ho" and the eternal question of "What do you want for Christmas?" reiterating the message of commerce to 'buy, buy, buy' and its answering cry of 'more profits, please' ringing in the ears of badgered parents. Santa's promises are empty and simply bring glee to the manufacturers of red cloth and cotton wool.

Christmas is about television films and special programmes. Isn't it?

Of course it is.

The smut of Carry on Doctor and the violence of the Seven Samurai make this season a magic one for seekers of goodwill to all.

The message of Christmas is highlighted in Jack and the Beanstalk (thieving's OK, if it's from a giant) and The Godfather (pass the throat-sweets, please).

Christmas is about watching the Queen's seasonal message. Isn't it?

Of course it is.

(My wife wouldn't let me write this bit).

Christmas is about celebrating the birth of arguably the most important person who ever lived. Isn't it?

Converted for the new archive on 30 June 2000. Some images and formatting may have been lost in the conversion.