There are times in my life when I have felt supremely confident and I know I shouldn't have. For example, when my glasses were smashed to bits by my little brother: I was blind but still remarkably cheerful when climbing aboard a double decker thinking I was on my way to school when, in fact, I was en route to an industrial estate on the outskirts of Pontefract.

And the time in my exams when I completely failed to answer the question set but still thought I was going to get marks for the nice little doodle in the corner. And it happens whenever I sit down to watch Blue Peter: I think for once I will not let those tiresome little presenters get on my nerves, but heck, they do.

And now it is the same. Although I am flying about in gusts of up to 300 miles per hour and bitter winds whip my face, I cannot help feeling confident and rejoicing in the fact that hurrah! it is March and soon the Dark Age of winter will be over.

I will soon be gripped by an inexplicable desire to clean the house from top to bottom, change my image (ie put some lipstick on) and do other such exciting stuff which signals the end of four months hibernation when I slumped in front of the telly.

Of course, winter has its high points - eating. It can also be quite fun huddling in front of a fire and not seeing anyone for weeks on end (I've never been the outdoorsy type), but I don't like the fact that other undesirable things like burglars operate under a blanket of darkness while you are under your blanket.

Also, when you want to be warm and cosy in your house, why do horrid creatures from the great outdoors too? (I'm not talking about big bruv here). You wouldn't mind if they just came into your home and slept in a quiet corner behind a pile of books, but do they have to come in and scare you when you're in the kitchen at midnight fixing yourself a mug of Horlicks?

Everything about winter points to lethargy and relaxation and keeping cosy. There are other advantages too, such as inadvertently becoming a soap opera specialist and possessor of all celeb gossip such as, doesn't Madonna look tough nowadays? and hasn't Jonathan Ross got a nice house? Madonna's muscles are also a good incentive not to do any exercise and have another helping of pudding.

You don't have to worry about your winter wardrobe - a few sloppy jumpers and baggy jeans will keep you going. And your table manners are not going to offend anybody.

One thing about winter which is not so good is that you are more susceptible to colds and flu, so that isn't much fun. You are supposed to eat healthily to ward off those bugs but you can't face a salad when it is snowing outside. So you are glad that the warmer weather is coming.

In spring humans grow faster and are happier. The sun will come out, so will the daffodils: you can buy new clothes, eat healthy food, meet people again and basically have a life. You look out of the window and see that it is pouring with rain and sleet.

Oh well, hope springs eternal or, bearing last year's horrible weather in mind, spring hopes eternal.

Converted for the new archive on 30 June 2000. Some images and formatting may have been lost in the conversion.