One evening last week I managed to keep my eyes open long enough to sit down and glance at the paper - and wish I hadn't.

"Sleep keeps you young," it said. "Cut down on hours and it will pile on the years."

Apparently, lack of slumber produces "worrying biological changes" that resemble the effects of advanced ageing. These changes include obesity, memory loss and high blood pressure - conditions normally associated with the elderly.

What a relief. Piling on the pounds every time I so much as glance at a bar of chocolate, forgetting important appointments and having to stick my head in the freezer to quell hot flushes, I thought I was on the way out. Now I know it's nothing to do with my unhealthy diet, withering brain cells and lack of fresh air and exercise.

It's purely down to not getting enough kip. I've always maintained that sleep is the easiest way to keep trim. Forget Rosemary Conley and aerobics classes - sleep is the simplest way I know of not eating for hours at a time.

As a slob of a student, I wasn't out of bed before midday, I lived on a diet of kebabs and chips, and got virtually no exercise yet I maintained a slim, trim physique.

The rot sets in once you join the rat race. For me, starting work halved in one fell-swoop the number of hours I spend under the duvet.

The newspaper industry in particular, is a harsh environment for anyone who values their slumber. With early starts and late finishes, it leaves little time to recharge your batteries in the land of nod.

I wish I lived in America. Over there, large companies actively encourage their employees to sleep on the job. Many have noticed improved alertness and performance after allowing staff to nap in special slumber rooms.

They have one of those at my children's nursery. It's permanently dark, with rows of little cots. Actually, it's not such an appealing idea.

Facing my colleagues across their desks is one thing, but snoring with my mouth open on the bed next to the managing director wouldn't do much for my promotion prospects.

Work is a major culprit, but in terms of sleep deprivation, parents of young children are hit hardest, being summoned from their beds four or five times a night by the cries of their offspring.

On a good night, when my kids don't wake up crying with no bedclothes, need the toilet eight times in the space of two hours or want to watch TV at 4am, I manage six hours.

Posh Spice allegedly had such a bad night with baby Brooklyn last week that she couldn't muster up the energy to make it to her sister-in-law's wedding.

Still, I've got to thinking, I may be 38 going on 70, but I could use this lack of slumber to my advantage. With all the disturbed nights and early rises, our bed is permanently dishevelled.

It's a great contender for the Turner prize.

Converted for the new archive on 30 June 2000. Some images and formatting may have been lost in the conversion.