The death of a child is every parent's worst nightmare. But for the cause of death to be Murder makes the pain far harder to bear. Most parents cannot even begin to imagine how Denise Copley has suffered since her young son was stabbed to death along with his babysitter five years ago this month. She will never get over it, but she has found comfort through a support group set up to help families like hers. She told Helen Mead how she found the strength to carry on.

GOING OUT to a friend's surprise 50th birthday party, Denise Copley did not have any qualms about leaving her son Jonathan with his teenage babysitter Rachel Rooney.

The seven-year-old liked Rachel. She was best friends with his older sister Elizabeth and he knew and trusted her, as did his mum.

"Rachel was always at our house," says Denise, "She would come back with Elizabeth and have something to eat. They were both 15 and liked the same things. They were very close."

So, that Saturday back in February, 1995, Denise was quite happy to leave Jonathan in her charge at their home in Southfield Lane, Little Horton, while she went out for the evening. She recalls: "He stood on the doorstep waving at me and I knew he was 150 per cent safe."

Elizabeth was babysitting at another house, for someone who had gone to the same party.

Says Denise: "Elizabeth got home before I did. When we pulled up outside she was screaming."

Then began a nightmare which changed the family's life forever.

When Denise and a friend entered the house they could not have imagined the scene that lay before them. Rachel and Jonathan had both had their throats cut in a frenzied attack. Rachel, who had also been sexually assaulted, had been stabbed 48 times with a pair of scissors and Jonathan - who was found dead in his bedroom - had been stabbed 15 times.

"We were confronted with total horror," says Denise, who has another daughter Louise, 17 at the time.

Soon the house was swarming with police and Denise had to try to keep a clear head in order to help them as much as possible. "I had to give statements and remember everyone who had been in the house. The police took blood samples and hair samples from me and Louise. I was keen to help but it was hard to remember. A doctor gave me something to calm me, but I didn't want it. Even though it was difficult I wanted to be able to remember as much as possible."

She adds: "The two officers who looked after us were brilliant. I knew that I only had to pick up the phone and they would be there."

It was hard for Denise to take in what had happened, and for her to describe how it feels to someone who has not themselves been through a similar horror, is difficult. "It is like someone has hit you around the head with a sledgehammer."

At the time no-one had any idea who had committed the horrific crime, but there was no sign of forced entry to the house, which suggested that one or both of the children knew their attacker.

And, less than a week later, detectives arrested Tariq Rehman, the boyfriend of Rachel's mother Christina. Denise had met insurance manager Rehman on a number of occasions when he called at their house to pick Rachel up, and says that although she did not warm to him, and got the impression that Rachel was fearful of him, she had no reason to believe he was dangerous.

Yet, when he came to be charged with the double murder, she was not surprised. "Although we didn't have a clue, it was there at the back of my mind. If I could have got to him I would have killed him - but I would not have been the first."

The entire community was deeply affected by the murders and outside the house the pavement was awash with flowers from adults and children paying their respects.

Denise, Elizabeth and Louise moved in with Denise's sister, Yvonne, while they found somewhere else to live. The prospect of returning to the murder scene was awful, but Denise faced the disturbing ordeal of having to revisit the terraced house to see whether anything had been stolen.

"I had to go, just once, to see if anything was missing. It was absolutely horrendous. I went with a detective. I didn't have an option, I had to get it right."

Denise, who is also full of praise for the coroner's officer - "We are still in contact" - saw her son before his funeral. "I thought seeing him might have taken away the picture I had of him in his bedroom but now I've got two images."

She adds: "If I could get hypnotised into not having them I would. I like to remember him as he was."

Just over a year later the case came to court. Denise needed all her energy to get through the trial. "I broke down after giving evidence. I found it really difficult, I'd never been in court before."

Rehman, who did not take his eyes off Denise as she took the stand, denied killing the children, alleging that he had found the pair dead when he went to collect Rachel. But he was found guilty and jailed for life.

Somehow, Denise has managed to get through the past five years without falling apart. "I have two other children so I had to go on. My family and friends helped me get through it, although I admit there have been times when I have wanted to go out and do something stupid."

She adds: "When we found a new home after Jonathan's funeral all my friends helped gut the house and decorate. And I could not have got through without my partner, who has been brilliant." Staff at Jonathan's school, Southmere First, were also wonderful, giving Denise a book filled with photographs and school work.

After the trial, Denise, who now lives in Wibsey, felt empty. "We had something to focus on with the case and then it was, what now?"

She found a focus to fill that gap while watching television. There was an item on daytime TV about a national campaign by the group MAMAA - Mothers Against Murder and Aggression. The group, founded after the horrific killing of Liverpool toddler James Bulger, launched a Life To Mean Life petition, to make sure the time in prison fits the severity of the crime.

"I got in touch and they were brilliant. I spoke to one of the founders, Lyn, and she was so friendly. She didn't say 'I know how you feel' because she doesn't. They never ever profess to know what people have gone through."

MAMAA aims to provide support to families and friends of victims of murder, manslaughter or unlawful killing, to improve communication between everyone concerned and to educate the public and professional bodies about people's needs.

Denise said she wanted to get involved and is now regional co-ordinator of the group. Since joining she has organised a special service at St John's Church, Great Horton - where Jonathan's funeral took place - to remember victims of murder and manslaughter. "We put it in the paper and on the radio, telling people that if they wrote to us we would light a candle for their family. We got hundreds of names."

She has also taken part in a sponsored walk from Dunblane to London and has so far raised more than £1,400 for the MAMAA, a registered charity. Denise, who works part-time as a personal assistant, is now involved in the support group's new Buy A Brick campaign to open a retreat for victims' families.

"I've spoken to so many people who have lost loved ones, and made a lot of friends."

Now, Denise is blessed with grandchildren, who she adores. But, whatever happens in her life, she cannot come to terms with what happened. "You have your ups and downs. Something will happen and it comes back to you. Murders on the news affect me a lot."

Her son's murder has left a big hole in her life. "He loved cuddles, he was such a cuddly kid.

"I speak to his photograph a lot and I've got his picture on my key ring. I'm all right so long as I keep busy. The worst time is when I'm ironing, when you're inclined to think."

She adds: "There can be a record playing, or a photograph, and my little grandchild aged two sometimes resembles him when she looks at me. Jonathan would have been 12 now. I've got a nephew aged ten, so I look at him and see what he's doing at different ages."

She added: "It's hard. You carry on, but it never leaves you."

Converted for the new archive on 30 June 2000. Some images and formatting may have been lost in the conversion.