Debbie Bowman and Mark Rundle are the only actors on stage next week at Keighley Playhouse.
But they'll ensure there's enough corruption, deceit, greed, adultery, power and murder to keep audiences happy.
The revelations come thick and fast from Monday to Saturday, at 7.30pm, in Robin Hawdon's thriller Revenge.
Mark plays a politician who returns from a foreign business trip to learn of his party agent's death in a car crash.
Debbie plays a journalist who arrives at his flat to subject to him to a grilling about his part in the supposed accident.
Tickets for Revenge are on sale at Keighley Information Centre in the town hall, or by phoning 08451 267859.
n Steeton Male Voice Choir is giving local groups and charities aid with a harmonious way of raising money for their own funds.
The choir is offering tickets at discounted prices which can then be sold on at their face value.
The tickets are for the choir's first concert in Skipton for several years, on November 9, at St Andrew's Church. A varied programme will include songs made famous by Elvis Presley and Bette Midler, alongside sacred music and traditional male-voice pieces.
The guest singer will be mezzo soprano Wendy Slater, a former Opera North soloist who has become a popular Steeton guest.
Any groups wishing to join the tickets scheme should phone choir secretary Len Wilson on 01274 569870.
n The seaside comes to town next month as Whitby Folk Festival performers appear in Keighley.
But the singers and musicians do not have to travel far for the concert at St Anne's Social Club.
Most of them already live in the Keighley area and regularly perform at the town's Bacca Pipes Folk Club.
The Galaxy of Stars guest list already includes Steve Tilston, Grace Notes and Janet Russell, who performed a "Keighley Night", at Whitby, in August.
Other performers will also be at St Anne's, in North Street, on November 1, at 8.30pm.
n The time is tonight. The venue is the Snooty Fox, in Oakworth. The band is Johnny and the Poorboys. And the guest list is fictional.
n Mick Walsh is back, and he promises nothing less than a Metal Holocaust from his new band Ironstorm. "Like a phoenix risen from the ashes, he has returned bigger and stronger than before," says the press release.
Former Mannix man Mick has apparently found musicians who share his belief that the sound of the guitar is the voice of God.
The blurb continues: "With a subtle mixture of cover versions and original songs, these metal warriors seek to cleanse the world with noise."
Enough said, except that Ironstorm plays the Victoria Hotel, Cavendish Street, tomorrow, at 7.30pm.
n From the cheesiest chart music to the latest in dance and house -- that's the promise from the new management at Keighley's Fusion nightclub. Tonight sees the new weekly " Emagination" night featuring pumpin' and funky house from local DJs Clem Bloomfield and Serj.
Next Thursday sees the start of Fusion's weekly all-inclusive night, with commercial dance music.
Tony Wass and Tony Hurt will play the latest progressive house, dance anthems and retro each Saturday.
Big-name DJs will appear at forthcoming special events: the first is a Hallowe'en Spooktacular on October 31.
Phone 01535 610156 four times and entry prices.
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