THE Curmudgeoness and I sat in the kitchen the other night doing one of those mind-taxing chores which make this time of the year such a minefield: drawing up our Christmas shopping list.

And we were stuck at the name of Westmorland Will, our mate from up Kendal way, who is a bit of a brain-box and, for reasons unfathomable to us, takes a keen interest in (I apologise for the use of such a word in a family newspaper) politics.

Now this year, the choice hadn't been too bad because I had been reading the reviews of a book on the subject by the Great White Shark of political commentators, Jeremy "Eat 'em alive" Paxman.

Now Our Jerry doesn't care much for most politicos, thinking them self-seeking and not talented enough to get to the top in a proper job, so they choose the Westminster route, via student politics and then some research job for one of the political parties.

Well there's not much there to disagree with. He also thinks that, 'cos Scotland, Wales and (sometimes) Ulster have their own assemblies, the numbers of MPs in Westminster should be cut by a third.

Now that is completely absurd. I'd get rid of 450 of them!

After all, the USA only has 200 legislators in the Senate and Congress, plus a President. We have some 660, plus a President. They cost an absolute fortune, take a three-month "summer" holiday - and only worked on average 83 days of a recent parliamentary year.

That's obviously too much for the poor dears because, under new rules just being introduced, they can now work just a two day week.

So now I must explain why Mrs C and I were so flummoxed t'other night. It was not over Westmorland Will's Chrissie pressie 'cos the Great White Shark's hatchet job will do very nicely (Could a shark wield a hatchet? -Ed.).

Under these new rules, instead of starting at 2.30pm (so that many MPs can do a proper morning's work in the city or the law before going off to their £60,000 part-time posts in Westminster), they will start at the crack of dawn.

Or rather, 10.30 am, by which time people like Owd Tom are ready for their snap. They will knock off at 7.30 pm - if, of course, they attend at all, because there is no law that says they must.

So as I peered at the Christmas list, a thought struck me: how about our MPs making the entire nation an entirely wonderful stocking filler by declaring 450 of themselves redundant, so that there would be only 200 of them left to keep the shine on the green leather benches of the Commons.

We could also pay them by the day, or even the hour, so if they can't be bothered to show up to protect our interests, they don't get paid.

We could then sell the huge Portcullis House office block built specially for MPs - the most expensive building ever in Europe per square foot - and let the Japanese turn it into an hotel, like they did with that other redundant monument to mediocrity, the old London County Council HQ across the Thames.

From the savings, they could give some of the brass to Beggarsdale Parish Council and its likes, so that we could mend the leaks in the village institute roof. Now wouldn't that be a wonderful gift for Mr and Mrs Taxpayer?

* The Curmudgeon is a satirical column based on a fictitious character in a mythical village.