IT is an understatement to say that announcements by politicians rarely raise cheers in Beggarsdale. The last one that anyone can remember was Maggie ordering us to rejoice because the Union flag was flying once again over Port Stanley in the Falklands.

Before that, some of the oldsters can just about remember Winston Churchill giving the nation a couple of days off after Nazi Germany surrendered - but warning us to be back at the bench come the weekend 'cos there was still the Japanese to defeat.

Oh, yes, we did put the flags out for the Coronation of Elizabeth II - but that wasn't a political show, was it, so it doesn't count. And, sorry about this kiddiewinks, all but one of these events were more than half a century ago, when your mums and dads weren't even thought of, never mind you.

So it was with some bemusement that the village went mad with delight verging on delirium when none other than Two Jags himself made his stunning announcement.

Last weekend, we held a Bury the Assembly Party at the Beggars' Arms to mark that fact that the threatened referendum on the formation of a Yorkshire Parliament had been "temporarily" postponed.

The reason, said Two Jags, the running of which is his personal contribution to curing global warming, is that the Electoral Commission is still investigating stories of ballot rigging in Bradford, Burnley and various other Northern towns and cities where, it is alleged, hundreds if not thousands of postal votes were filled in by a handful of people.

This reminded me of "Vote early and vote often," which used to be the cynical advice at election time when Al Capone ran Chicago.

To compare Prescott to Capone would be unfair, of course, because Capone was very, very good at what he did, illegal though it was.

That being as it may be - I would hate to be considered a cynic on matters political - no-one in Beggarsdale believed that the vote-rigging excuse was the real reason for scrapping the referenda.

We in the village have never met a person who wanted a Yorkshire parliament, loyal Tykes though most of us are. We are all thoroughly fed up with politics and politicians, you see, because - as Cousin Kate the postmistress wailed at the party - "Why do they never do what we, the people, want them to do. Aren't they supposed to follow our wishes, rather than the other way round?"

Anyway, we carried a mock-up coffin marked "Yorkshire Assembly" down The Lane and ceremonially burnt it in the orchard behind the Beggars'.

"It's better than Bonfire Night," commented Owd Tom. "T'difference bein' that November 5th celebrates savin' a Parliament, rather than scrappin' one." He took a deep swig of Ram's Blood and beamed: "Ay, that's much, much better."

o The Curmudgeon is a satirical column based on a fictitious character in a mythical village.