The last time I wore a pair of shorts was back in the late 1980s.

I was on a mini road trip around Northern England with my sister and our boyfriends. It was baking hot and I remember my legs sticking to the seats in the back of the car.

My shorts were white and I was never particularly comfortable in them. Despite being a size eight back in those days, I was always self-conscious. Since then I have never even considered shorts and can safely say that even if the sun moves to within ten feet of the Earth I won’t be wearing them again.

Few people look good in shorts, yet they are emerging as a key fashion item this summer. In short, they are flying off the shelves. Their popularity has been further fuelled by both Kate Middleton and Meghan Markle, both wearing shorts in public in recent weeks.

The problem is very few people can carry them off. You have to have good legs, and I mean exceptionally good legs, along with a flat stomach, to get away with shorts of any description. And that applies to men too.

Even kids don’t look great in shorts. A Norfolk high school recently came under fire for introducing a ban on shorts but allowing skirts in summer, for both sexes. Maybe that’s because skirts look better, even on boys.

Disturbingly, ‘short shorts’ - popular in the 1970s - are back. These, as the name implies, sit high at the top of the thigh. If you haven’t got the legs for them they are not a pretty sight. I recently had the misfortune to be walking behind a group of women all wearing ridiculously short shorts and can only assume that not one of them owned a mirror.

I can only hope they were ‘anti-chafing’ shorts - yes, there is such a thing. Currently bestsellers on online shopping sites, these tend to be skin tight and promise to put an end to continuous friction. It’s enough to make you shudder.

Shorts cut too high above the knee look dreadful, but even long shorts just don’t cut the mustard with most people, who - for those who are old enough to remember - end up looking like Lofty from It Ain’t Half Hot Mum.

Even worse, when long shorts are teamed up with overhanging beer bellies - a common sight in our seaside towns where men and women of all shapes and sizes leave their inhibitions at home.

Men wearing shorts should also remember that they are wearing shorts. If they are accustomed to splaying their legs while sitting down they need to think ‘SHORTS’ and not forget it, especially on park benches or at bus stops.

Shorts throw all your leg imperfections into sharp focus - knees battered in childhood skirmishes or as knobby as rock buns, cellulite, varicose veins, ankles that have somehow grown into cankles.

In some ways I admire people who have the confidence to go out in shorts. Simply by wearing them they’re adopting a devil-may-care attitude to life.

As a fashion item, shorts are clearly something to which we need to devote a lot of thought. There are dozens of websites offering tips to both men and women, on how to wear shorts to avoid being a laughing stock. One poses the question: ‘How can I wear shorts and look good?’ None of the answers are convincing.

Maybe it’s best just to avoid them completely. Fashion designer Tom Ford was right when he said: ‘Shorts should only be worn on the tennis court or on the beach.’ Quite right.