IT’S okay to not feel okay.

You hear this statement quite often. One reason is that the pattern for male suicides is still one of the highest on record. This works out at around three quarters of overall suicide statistics and something definitely needs to change about that.

Society as a whole has over the years opened up about mental health and everything that surrounds it. This is a good thing - so why is the male population still not talking about our feelings openly enough?

Let’s just take one look at what’s out there online and you can see how many male-led industries are promoting that strong and confident image which shows little weakness. I’m not saying that this is a bad quality, but how rarely do we see some of the biggest male names in our modern world showing their vulnerability and openly talking about it?

Okay, I admit that it is thankfully starting to become more acceptable for men to be strong and vulnerable at the same time but I still believe that we have a long way to go to be in a place where talking about our mental wellbeing is second nature. Where it becomes normal for men of all ages to ask their mates: “Are you okay?”

The hashtag generation that we have now is a wonderful movement that allows people from all over the world to connect and spread messages of hope and unity in great numbers. I find that hashtags like #be kind and #it’s ok to talk are very popular, especially for the male population, because they are challenging old concepts.

I know plenty of old-fashioned males who were brought up in a ‘proud man’s world’ and quite honestly wouldn’t know how to open up if they tried. It’s not their fault but it could be up to all of us to be a part of that change.

There is the worry of embarrassment for some men who think it is a weakness to share, but this simply isn’t true and I’d like to see this old attitude disappear.

Opening up and letting others in is true mental strength and I am inspired by those who lay it all out on the table and share their feelings when asking for help. Trust of course is an important factor in this process. If you’re unsure how folk could react to what you need to say it might just surprise you how many lower their defences and try to help.

Depression gives one the sense of being alone in the dark but let me tell you, you’re not alone and by reaching out even just a little there will be someone there to pull you into a brighter place.

As men we put on a brave face but by bottling in any negativity there isn’t much room for anything else, and like a steam-powered engine the pressure will build up until it blows one way or another. Talking is like letting off steam and keeping the pressure at a healthy level.

I am not always as strong as I’d like to be when I’m alone but as part of a caring society I feel safe to share or listen in a supportive environment. That moral support is needed for all of us because sometimes the unhappiest of people wear the brightest smile and make those around them feel worthwhile. By caring so much about making people feel valued, they forget to value themselves equally.

Don’t be that person. As a man, I urge you - don’t be another statistic.

I’d like to mention Andy’s Man Club, formed by Luke Ambler and his mother-in-law Elaine after Luke’s brother-in-law took his own life. I understand the group organises social meets and talks with many men who have suffered through depression and mental health issues. This is a safe place for discussion and valuable support and it seems to be a growing movement that I fully support. You can find them at andysmanclub.co.uk

Some years ago I started my own ‘agony uncle’ social media page for people to talk who needed to tell their story. I’m not professionally trained and stress this, but throughout my years of doing it I have found that offering light advice through personal experiences can make a difference.

I have listened to people most of my life, not for attention but for the want to help people. I have spent 20 years listening to friends, family and strangers because I wanted to and I have felt that, through no fault of their own, people can have a habit of talking over each other in conversation and sometimes miss important information. So someone needs to hear them.

I have recently focussed on my own busy life but have never closed the door for those in need. If someone is feeling emotional pain and listening is one of the ways to vent that hurt, doesn’t it make sense for us to stop, pay attention and read between the lines?

If you’re unhappy then please talk to someone. Everything is going to be alright.