HELP - I am under siege.

I am being bombarded with tips on how to clean your house. I only have to open my email and there they are, row upon row of messages doling out advice on spring cleaning, sent no doubt to coincide with the first day of spring which is on Wednesday.

I have received so many hints and tips I’m becoming paranoid - it’s as everyone out there knows my home is a tip.

It’s the same every year. Companies use all sorts of incentives to get you out there with a duster.

‘Spring cleaning could burn hundreds of calories and save hours in the gym’ says one email, before listing how much you could lose while tackling various chores.

Apparently, says one online health and fitness site, if you spend three hours ironing you can burn 264 calories, the same as taking a Zumba class. Loading and unloading the washing machine, hanging up the clothes and putting them away can burn around 70 calories in an hour - the same as doing 70 sit-ups.

I’ve just completed that very task (the laundry not the sit-ups) and find those claims impossible to believe. I didn’t break a sweat unloading and hanging damp clothes. I’d probably lose half my body weight doing that many sit-ups.

I am also highly dubious of the claim that washing dishes can burn an impressive 180 calories a week if you spend 15 minutes doing it every day - the same as swimming for around 30 minutes. Standing still with your arms in a bowl of warm water? Come on!

I am not convinced by any of these claims, well not enough to whip out the Marigolds and get to work with the Mr Sheen.

Neither am I going to be persuaded by so-called Techno Cleaning – using high-tech gadgets to ‘put a new spin on housework’, making it ‘easier and fun’.

‘For spring-cleaning cyber-style, why not try a robotic cleaning system?’ says a high street retailer, before recommending the snappily-named Neato Botvac Connected D3 LaserSmart Navigating Wi-Fi Robot Vacuum Cleaner.

‘Save time (and your back) by putting it to work, while keeping control of its movements. A fantastic partner to help with the housework.’

It’s all very well setting a robot to whiz round the living room but will it find and move a half-drunk cup of coffee left beside the sofa, or a soggy toy mouse discarded by my cat?

And anyway It sounds too ‘Blade Runner’ for my liking. I don’t fancy buying a vacuum cleaner more intelligent than me. I don’t want to suddenly find it chatting up my husband and driving my car.

Nothing short of someone saying ‘ I will give you £1,000 if you vacuum those stairs’ will get me spring cleaning.

Don’t let the dust defeat you, warns one email, ‘After all, cleanliness is next to Godliness.’

Maybe that belief ran deep in my grandparents’ generation, when washing curtains, carpet-beating, bleaching and polishing every item in the home was a dyed-in-the-wool ritual at this time of year.

But it is not the case now. A poll last year by reveals that 85 per cent of British people believe the tradition is on the way out. Currently, only 50 per cent of those asked conduct a yearly deep clean at home, while one in six don’t bother.

In today’s fast-paced world, with the high cost of living and other demands placed upon our lives, something has to give and housework is usually that something.

To be honest, I’m better off not cleaning. It involves moving stuff, shifting and sorting. I know where everything is. If I started spring cleaning, my life would descend into chaos.

*Motorists who run over a cat would have to report it to police under a law change being called for at Westminster.

The move aims to ensure that cats receive the same protection as dogs and so fewer are left to die on the road.

The backbench legislation, proposed by Tory MP Rehman Chishti, will also require cat owners to have their pets microchipped, as is currently the case for dogs.

This is long-time overdue, let’s hope it becomes law. Cats are treasured pets, they are a much -loved family member, yet are treated as vermin.

Such legislation would deter drivers - and there are some - from refusing to slow down when they see a cat crossing the road. And with chipping, cat owners would take more responsibility.

Ignore Brexit - hurry up and makes this law.