Is it wrong to say I can't stand Comic Relief?

“They must be terrified,” said one TV presenter. “Guys, you’re so brave,” said another, as Tess Daly and Claudia Winkleman started their 24-hour challenge on Monday evening. You’d think the pair of them were going over the top.

The “longest ever danceathon in Red Nose Day history” was basically two middle-aged women trying to stay awake in a nice air-conditioned studio, swaying to a succession of floor-fillers, with hourly comfort breaks, while Radio 2 fawned over them from start to finish.

Naturally, lots of famous faces “dropped by” to support the fearless fundraisers along the way. Mary Berry brought them a chocolate cake, Jeremy Vine busted some moves to Beyonce’s Crazy in Love, Ed Balls danced Gangnam Style and the cast of Hair the Musical turned up to boost ticket sales, sorry, I mean to join in with the selfless dancing.

It was a painful reminder of why I can’t stand telethons.

I think it started with Children in Need. It’s always on in November, and as a teenager this was when I often had huge stressful piles of exam revision to get through. I’d come downstairs for a break, hollow-eyed and twitchy, and there it was, taking over the entire evening’s telly - an inane spectacle of jolly celebrities larking around for charity. I deeply resented them and their high jinks. And if I’m honest, I still do.

Yes, telethons raise an eye-watering amount of money for good causes, in this country and overseas. Yes, they’re fun for schools to get involved with. And when celebrities are on board it raises the profile of the whole shebang. I get that. And I take my hat off to people like Eddie Izzard, who ran 27 marathons in 27 days for Sport Relief. Heck, I’ve even donated money to TV charity appeals. It doesn’t mean I have to like them.

It’s the self indulgence that grates. Overpaid, over-exposed celebrities having a laugh in zany sketches; taking on daredevil challenges in exotic places, (all filmed for a prime-time documentary that will show them in a great light); being flown to Africa to be moved and humbled by people they wouldn’t give the time of day to if there were no cameras around, or social media didn’t exist.

And along the way these selfless celebs - models, girl bands, soap actors, sport stars, daytime telly hosts, reality TV divas - get to show us why they’re such good eggs, boosting their ‘brand’ in the process.

I remember the last Comic Relief telly shindig two years ago - it was panned for being largely unfunny, with way too long sketches, and for its noisy mates-down-the-pub ambience (a dated Friday night TV trend that came and went in the 1990s), which alienated viewers watching it from their sofas.

Expect more of the same tomorrow night. It’s the self indulgence I can’t be doing with - the “Aren’t we all fabulous?” baloney, the sycophancy. It’s all a bit too Richard Curtis for me.

If celebrities were really passionate about supporting charities they’d get on with it, quietly, like plenty of other people do.

I’ve met some wonderful people who get their hands dirty helping people in need, without expecting any glory in return.

I resent rich famous people, who spend more on a pair of shoes than I earn in a month, pleading for money from the public. I support charities without making a fuss.

I don’t need to see Matt Baker on a rickshaw, Davina McCall sobbing in a wet suit, or Little Mix posing for selfies on Mount Kilimanjaro with Dani Dyer and the bloke from Pointless.

* THIS week's "must see" TV drama Cheat got off to a steamy start, with some viewers finding a scene in the first episode uncomfortable to watch. Some of those taking to social media during the show said a solo sex act by central character Leah was particularly awkward, as they were watching it with their parents. Cringe!

It's mortifying when you're watching telly with the parents and sex rears its head. That happened quite literally in an episode of Sex and the City I was once watching while my dad was in the room. Crimson-faced and frozen with embarrassment, I couldn't even reach for the remote to turn the sound down. He suddenly became very engrossed in his newspaper crossword, while I just wanted the living-room floor to swallow me whole.

* SOME of Bradford’s quirky old venues will be alive with music thanks to Les Hall and Nick Hall, two pals putting on gigs in unusual places, including a church and a market. Their first gig, at Bradford’s German church tomorrow, features Ranagri, Bella Gaffney and Plumhall.

“The plan is to use establishments that are culturally significant and may have slipped from people’s consciousness,” says Les. Hats off to a great scheme which not only keeps live music thriving in the city, but also makes use of fabulous old spaces and introduces them to a whole new generation.