'My ex-wife sold the jewellery my parents gave her'

Dear Massi,

My ex-wife is behaving terribly. She has already given away the wedding dress my parents bought her and now she has sold the jewellery they gave her too.

She keeps posting her tantrums on Facebook which my friend's wife then screen shots and sends to me.

I told my ex that I want the money for the jewellery reimbursed to my parents. She went and blocked me so I can't contact her.

It's bad enough that she has no respect for the money my parents spent on her, but sharing this stuff on Facebook is below the belt.

I really am at a loss. I don't know what to do.

Massi says, It must be very disheartening for you to see things that your parents bought being discarded and sold in this way.

From your ex-wife's perspective, she may be doing this in a bid to move on from your divorce.

Emotions for you both are bound to be heightened following the end of your marriage.

Rather than focusing on your ex-wife's actions and her social media posts, look now to your own future.

Try to distract yourself with positive people around you.

Time is a healer and distance from your ex-wife will help you heal emotionally and mentally.

‘She won't tell me who she sent a selfie to'

Dear Massi,

My mum has a new mobile phone and she is still learning how to use it.

She asked me how to take a selfie – I didn't even know she knew that word.

Then when I asked her who she was sending it to, she changed the subject.

Now I have noticed any time I come into the room when she is on her phone, she turns her phone over.

My mum has been a widow for about five years, but I can't ever think it is appropriate for her to be getting friendly with another man.

I don't feel comfortable checking her phone but I want to know what is going on.

She just told me she is going on holiday to Dubai.

When I asked her who she was going with, she was really vague and said it was with friends I didn't know and she wouldn't give me any names.

Now I think Dubai is a decoy and she actually going somewhere else.

I don't know how to deal with these changes.

Massi says,

It is understandable that you are surprised to see changes in your mother's behaviour, but you have to allow her space to get on with her life.

She has been alone for five years and if she is making new friends, male or female, you should be happy for her.

With all your scrutiny, it is no wonder your mother chooses to conceal things from you.

Let her get on with her life without judgement and you may find your mother is more forthcoming with sharing details with you.

'I don't want to go the wedding because I have been seated at the same table as my sister-in-law'

Dear Massi,

There is a wedding coming up of the daughter of a family friend which I was looking forward to going to.

I even bought a new outfit and have booked to get my hair and makeup done for the wedding

Now I found out that I have been sat at the same table as my sister-in-law who I hate.

I rang up my friend to ask if I can be moved but she said her parents are looking after the seating and they are putting families all together.

She got irritated with me when I pushed it saying I can't bring my family problems into her wedding.

I don't know if there is any point in me going to the wedding as the whole atmosphere will be ruined if we're sitting at the same table.

My husband thinks I am over-reacting but then again he never sticks up for me when it comes to his sister.

Shall I still go?

Massi says:

It is understandable that you want to avoid tension with your sister-in-law at this wedding that you have both been invited to.

But the wedding is not about you or your sister.

It is a celebration of two people getting married in the presence of their family and friends.

Try and put your personal grievances behind you just for one evening so that you can take part in the festivities and enjoy the wedding celebrations with the bride.

My sister called her a bit ‘motee’ (fat)

Dear Massi,

I have met this really nice girl and we get on really well. I have never met anyone like her before in my life.

The issue is she is a little overweight. I do not care what she looks like but my friends have made comments.

My sister also called her a ‘bit motte’ which wasn’t nice. I like her and she is a good person.

She doesn’t know that these comments have been made.

When we go out and when I see someone I get a little apprehensive and try to avoid popular spots. I know it is cruel but if I feel like this now, what will happen in the future.

I feel like I am a bad person and I should accept her as she is but my friends keep making joking comments about her.

It is really affecting me now.

Massi says: You claim that this woman's weight does not bother you, but then you spend the entire letter proving that you actually do care very much.

Her weight and her body is up to her to maintain as she sees fits.

For you to feel embarrassed by her size is a reflection of your own superficial nature.

The fact that you resort to taking her out to places when you don't risk being seen is utterly reprehensible.

Rather than subjecting her to further ridicule, it would be better to break up with her kindly rather than continue this unfair charade.

'They asked for no boxed gifts at a one-year-old's birthday party'

Dear Massi,

I have been invited to a birthday party for a baby who is turning one. The invitation though says 'no boxed gifts.'

I don't know how much cash the parents are expecting.

They are holding the function in a fancy hall. They probably want the cash gifts to cover the cost of the event.

I think the parents are being greedy and presumptuous.

I am being forced to go this party by my parents as it is the daughter of one of their friends.

I have half a mind to turn up with no gift at all just to prove a point.

What is the appropriate thing to do?

Massi says:

It is up to the couple inviting guests to write whatever they wish on their invitation, but by no means should you fell to compelled to give a large amount of money as a gift that is outside your budget.

Adhering to etiquette means you should attend the party with a gift and not empty handed.

The party should be a celebration of the baby's milestone and you should only give what you can afford and not what you think they are expecting from you.

'He started an argument so he wouldn't have to pay the bill'

Dear Massi, I went out for dinner with a man that my parents set me up with.

It was going surprisingly well. We ate a lot and laughed a lot.

When the bill came I thought it was only polite to let him pay as my potential future husband should be expected to buy me dinner, not the other way round.

He looked at the bill and then all of a sudden started an argument from nothing.

I was sat there so shocked watching him and then he just walked out. I was left with an £80 bill.

When I told my parents they rang his parents up to complain.

His parents had the audacity to say their son was right to leave me with the bill as I had ordered two starters and two main courses for myself.

They said I was being greedy and their son shouldn’t have to pay for my big appetite.

My parents were so insulted.

I want to get him back but don’t know what to do.

Massi says,

The man in question appears to have handled the situation rather tactlessly.

It is understandable that he was surprised to see what the bill amounted to, although that does not justify creating a scene and storming out of a restaurant.

You are perfectly entitled to order whatever you like when you are out. However, it is only fair to offer to pay for a meal.

Ordering two main courses is your choice, but expecting someone else to pay for that is presumptuous and unfair.

Rather than trying to ‘get back’ at this man, move on from this episode.

In future, suggest a way of splitting the bill.