Taking a dim view of Vicarage Road (From Bradford Telegraph and Argus)

Taking a dim view of Vicarage Road

9:00am Saturday 14th January 2012 in Simon Parker Column By Simon Parker

My great view of Vicarage Road last week – except the goal, the pitch, the corner flag

Apparently the FA Cup third-round attendances were the highest for 30 years.

Well excuse me for not decking out the bunting at Vicarage Road.

These bumper crowd figures must have passed Watford by – the turn-out last Saturday was 4,500 below average, even with a cut-price ticket offer.

Take nothing away from the fantastic travelling army who once again negotiated the M1 road works/closed junctions in fine numbers.

And the 1,200 City followers made enough noise for 12,000, keeping up a constant volume even when their side went three down and were looking down the barrel of a possible hammering.

The defiant late flurry that pulled back one goal – and, until the assistant’s flickering flag, the promise of another – was reward for those fans and ensured they headed home upbeat in defeat.

But forgive me my Victor Meldrew moment.

It’s difficult to get caught up in the pizzazz of the “greatest club cup competition in the world” (copyright ITV) when you are sat in a condemned stand, accompanied by the “worst view of a club competition in the world” (copyright me and every other unfortunate hack sent to report on Watford matches).

The view of one goal was obscured by a stanchion which, thoughtfully, ran right down the middle of the net. Anything not scored in the corners was down to guess work.

As for corners on the right side, forget it. The radio gantry, that was clearly bought off ebay when Checkpoint Charlie was dismantled, ensured there was no chance of seeing that edge of the pitch.

And then there were the dug-outs, with their roofs so wide that not only were the management and substitutes kept dry but also the wingers, full backs and possibly even central midfield.

Like trying to watch a film when the fat bloke in front of you waddles off to the toilet, there were significant chunks of the game that passed the whole written press by.

If there was a ten-man touchline brawl between the dug-out and the visiting end, then I apologise for missing it completely.

This, of course, was in a Championship stadium. Not Dagenham or Barnet or Hereford but a club established in the second tier.

A trip to face a team 48 places higher up the ladder should be something to be savoured. A day out away from the week in, week out drudgery of League Two.

Instead it felt like clambering through a building site when everyone else has knocked off for lunch.

And one reporter, a patronising London-type, even had the cheek to ask if it felt “good” to be watching City play “someone like Watford” again. Yes sir, begging your pardon sir, can I now take a shiny shilling for my big journey back oop north…

He’s quite right of course. Who would want to be back at Valley Parade this weekend in a fine 25,000 stadium with a vista of the whole city not just the pitch, when you can watch one pass in three round a stanchion?

The magic of the cup (another cliché that ITV are contractually obliged to drop at least five times an hour) somewhat passed me by.

But then let’s face it, the whole FA Cup thing has become a myth.

Third-round day used to be a special landmark in the football calendar but not any more.

Wigan getting knocked out by an offside deflection may have been the jaw-dropping shock on the highlights show but it’s hardly going to make the opening credits for the next 20 years a la Ronnie Radford.

The Manchester derby was a belting free- for-all but it hardly screamed FA Cup. In fact, the only saving grace for another weekend of predictable scores was Thierry Henry’s emotional return to Arsenal life.

His fifth touch of the ball which sunk Leeds – and the unbridled passion in the celebrations – sprinkled some genuine stardust on otherwise barren surroundings.

But then why should we get excited by a competition that is so coveted that the final this year will kick off at 5.15pm sandwiched between the usual fixture-list of league matches?

Remember the sepia-tinged memories of the FA Cup build-up lasting from dawn til dusk? That’s old hat, grandad.

This time you’ll have about 25 minutes from the end of City’s swansong against Swindon.

Anyone keen to join in with Kathryn Jenkins for Abide with Me will have to leave Valley Parade at half-time … Henry offered the most appropriate summing up after Monday’s game when told he had been named man of the match by the TV viewers.

It’s a joke, he said. I couldn’t have put it better.

Read more Simon Parker opinion columns at: telegraphandargus.co.uk/sport/sport_opinion/sportparker/