We’re free to be ourselves

8:30am Friday 1st August 2008

Comments ()   Have your say »

Relaxing on sofas in front of a Perspex partition bearing the word ‘Partnership’, a group of men are discussing a report in a national newspaper unfolded in front of them on a coffee table.

The article, based on a survey by gay charity Stonewall, is about one in five gay men and lesbians being victims of hate crime or incidents in the past three years.

It dawns on me why this group of men are not comfortable about their names or photographs being published. They are happy to talk about and promote the group they are involved with, but for the sake of safety they prefer to retain their anonymity. The reason? They are gay.

One man talks about relationships with men and women, but won’t be pressed on ‘coming out’. “My motto is ‘Life begins at 75’ and it’s proving true. I am a very late developer,” he says.

The group the men belong to is called Older and Bolder. They share their meeting space at the Equity Centre in Bradford, believed to be the only lesbian, gay and bisexual community centre in Yorkshire, with Older and Wilder, the female equivalent of Older and Bolder.

Launched in February, 2006, the centre is run by the Equity Partnership, a charity set up four years ago to support Bradford’s lesbian, gay and bisexual community. Based on the outskirts of the city centre, it provides a place for older members of the community to chat and socialise in a safe, friendly environment and without fear or confrontation.

The general consensus appears to be that nightclubs become less appealing for the older gay community. While younger gay people have a social network on the club scene, older gay people often find it more difficult to socialise with others of a similar age. People who grew up during the decades well before civil partnerships didn’t have the accessible social life that young gay people have today. Older and Bolder, launched in June, 2007, and Older and Wilder, formed in February this year, enable members to meet other gay, lesbian and bisexual people of a similar age.

“I think men need a refuge more,” says Gerald (not his real name). “For example, how many times do you see two men dancing together? No-one thinks anything of it when two women dance together.”

“Also women tend to socialise more with other women. Men can become very isolated when they are older,” says Henry (not his real name).

Gerald, a retired actor, and Henry, who worked in nursing, have both been married to women. Gerald’s late partner was 29 years his senior and aware of his sexuality. “She died in 1991, but we were hardly away from each other’s sides. We had companionship,” he says.

Henry was married at the age of 19 for just 18 months. His wife was killed in a car accident, leaving him with their baby daughter. She was brought up by a relative who emigrated, and Henry was reunited with her in later years. “She knows she has a gay dad,” he says.

He grew up in a small country village, where he says getting married was the accepted thing. He says it’s only now that gay people of his generation realise they should have stood up and done something about it sooner.

“I’ve always been gay, but when you live in a small village it was expected that you got married, just like if your father was a decorator or a plumber you were expected to do the same job,” says Henry.

“A lot of gay people from my era decided when they got to 60 or 70 that they would stand up and do something. Now you are trying to catch up on a lost youth, a lost life.”

He was in a 25-year relationship until his partner died from cancer. “Most people have an image of gay men being like Kenneth Williams, or a handbag-swinging type, but a lot of gay men have a normal lifestyle,” says Henry.

Jonathan Cookson, left, community development worker for Yorkshire Mesmac, a sexual health charity for gay and bisexual men, says gay people know they are different, and it can be a gradual thing.

Jonathan was 15 when he came out. “It didn’t feel like I had any choice,” he says. “I felt everyone knew anyway, but I had great support from my parents and I never had any great trouble. I was bullied at school, but I accepted that as part and parcel of the package.”

After completing a community arts degree, Jonathan worked in various community-related roles. Working with gay youth group Blagy, (Bradford Lesbian and Gay Youth) in Bradford, led to his full-time post with Yorkshire Mesmac.

Blagy was set up 13 years ago to support younger members of the gay community.

“I see the full spectrum of the gay community in Bradford,” says Jonathan, 31. “I have a thriving youth group of 17 core members and for the most part they joined because they have been having a hard time.”

He says peer pressure is one reason. “And standing out from the norm,” he adds. “Young people are stronger and should be able to say what they want more, but it doesn’t necessarily mean they don’t have any less flack.”

He believes groups such as Blagy enable young gay people to be themselves. “It’s absolutely crucial,” says Jonathan. “I am constantly thinking how things would have been different for me and other people if I had been able to access a service like that. I can see these young people and empathise with them, and I can see what benefit it is to them. Friendships and networks are being broadened. It is about facilitating better social networks.”

Around 17,000 people in Bradford are gay and that doesn’t include younger members of the community.

Conscious of the need for a similar group for women, Rachel, the centre’s group development worker, launched Older and Wilder, a lesbian group, in February. There are currently 15 members who meet regularly and take part in social activities and trips organised through the centre.

Rachel says the groups were set up in response to the lack of a social meeting place for older members of Bradford’s lesbian, gay and bisexual community.

“Whether you are gay or straight, sometimes older people can become isolated when they get older,” says Rachel. “You meet some very interesting people, it is providing a service which has been lacking for a lot of years.”

Older and Bolder meets every other Monday from noon to 3pm and Older and Wilder meets every other Wednesday from 1pm to 3pm. For more information ring (01274) 727759 or visit equitypartnership.org.uk