WHY have we started calling things ‘clean’?

I don’t mean newly-wiped kitchen work surfaces or litter-free footpaths - that’s using the word in the conventional sense.

Now we have started sticking the word in front of everyday activities to make them sound different, as if there’s a new approach that we have been missing all these years.

I’d read about ‘clean eating’ - buying whole foods in their most natural state, and limiting anything processed. Fair enough, but isn’t that what eating organic is all about?

Controversy surrounds many of the claims made by ‘clean eating’ devotees, and I want to look forward to my evening meal, not sit in front of a plate of quinoa and mixed berries with flax and raisin oatmeal.

To be honest I don’t even know what quinoa is, but it’s mentioned in all the right ‘clean eating’ circles and has somehow earned the tag of ‘superfood’.

So I’ll pass on ‘clean’ food and carry on with my grubby diet of oven chips and tinned Fray Bentos pies.

Then there’s ‘clean beauty’. This also draws on all the usual buzzwords - organic, natural, non-toxic/safe and ethical. Having no one to impress, I rarely buy beauty products, but if I did I would probably look for something created to these standards. Goods made along these lines have been around for decades - The Body Shop started it all off in 1976. So why is ‘clean beauty’ trumpeted as the ‘next thing’ in the beauty industry?

And now we have ‘clean sleeping’: no, I haven’t made it up. Actress Gwyneth Paltrow uses copper-infused pillows, heated socks and a 12-hour fasting period in what she terms ‘clean sleeping’ - an attempt to secure at least seven or eight hours of good quality slumber.

I’ve read about these copper oxide infused pillowcases, and how they can eliminate wrinkles while giving you a good night’s sleep, but it sounds like a load of bunkum. I’d rather have my cat hair-infused pillows and soil-flecked duvet (also courtesy of my cat) any day. It isn’t the healthiest sleeping environment, but it’s good enough.

Who would want a pair of heated socks in bed and 12-hour fasting from 8pm onwards wouldn’t work for me. It’s surely the time of night when most people are watching TV and raiding the kitchen for snacks. And what about the likes of Ovaltine?

For decades different ways of sleeping have been regaled as encouraging a night of unbroken shut-eye - putting lavender drops on the pillow, wearing sleep masks, having a hot, milky drink. It’s all been said and done before.

It’s the same with food, beauty and virtually every other aspect of life. Yet, it is all constantly being reinvented in a way that convinces us that it is different.

I’m waiting for the next ‘clean’ fad to emerge. Maybe it will be ‘clean working’, where we all sit in ergonomically-designed offices with just the right level of air-conditioning and comfort-friendly lighting.

Or we could witness the rise of ‘clean dressing’, which sees us all wearing sackcloth woven from the hair of Himalayan yaks and shoes made from palm leaves.

And ‘clean speaking’ might be the next big thing, where we make pledges to only talk to each other about positive, uplifting subjects. We would not so much as touch upon controversial topics such as Brexit or Trump, or any other subject that could potentially spark heated debate.

I would not be at all surprised to hear about any of the above as bona fide concepts. In the meantime, I am going to make a point of avoiding any activity with the word ‘clean’ precluding it.