‘WHY men find older women irresistible.’

Being on the wrong side of 55, I homed in on this article in a national newspaper, based around the 25-year age gap between 39-year-old French president Emmanuel Macron and his wife Brigitte, 64. Written by a man, it waffled on about older women being less demanding, more confident, mature and solvent.

Sadly, all the things I’m not. But that’s not to say I don’t have some attributes that an older man might find attractive.

Chat

I can talk for Britain and could teach my (much) younger man the art of conversation and persuade him to ditch his all-singing-all-dancing smartphone for at least a couple of hours a day and get to know someone face to face. He would soon see the benefits of real conversation and build up more phone-free hours as time went on.

Fashion and grooming tips

We older women speak our minds, I would tell my junior fella when he needed to pull up his trousers. I would make sure his jeans did not hang below his bum, exposing his underpants, and would go so far as to take him down to M&S and buy him a decent belt. I would tell him when his hair gel looked like chip fat and when he used too much after shave. He would thank me for such valuable guidance, I am sure.

No time wasting

Unlike younger women, females my age don’t spend hours in front of the mirror preening before we go out. We simply wash and go, or, in my case, just go. No toy boy would have to wait around while I straightened my hair, put on my lipstick and painted my nails. This, I am sure, would make a refreshing change.

Money-saving

There would be no pressure to visit fancy restaurants, not even Burger King. More mature women tend to prefer nights at home in front of the TV, which would be cheaper all round, although the younger man would need to cultivate a love of Antiques Roadshow, Dad’s Army and Gardeners’ World. An interest in The Archers would be a bonus.

Older people are wise to all these rip-off coffee outlets that young people can’t live without. I would introduce my young fella to the benefits of a flask. He could carry the rug to put over our knees when we drink it on park benches.

Immaturity

I would take great pleasure in dispelling the myth that with age comes maturity. I still look for humour in everything, like a good laugh and snigger like a schoolgirl with my closest friends.

Health & wellbeing

My generation isn’t obsessed with the gym in the same way as younger generations. A sedentary lifestyle, involving lots of sitting around drinking tea and eating custard creams, with no pressure to pump, push, hone and tone, would surely appeal. And it would save a heck of a lot of cash too.

Children

We have either had them or we don’t want any, so that’s one potentially thorny issue out of the way.

General advice

Having been on the planet for double the amount of time, I could advise my young partner about life’s essentials - what time of day to hit Marks & Spencer to nab the yellow-stickered bargains, how to protect your spring bulbs from a sharp frost and how to remove red wine stains from beige sofas. It’s all vital stuff that you need to know to get by in this world.

Older women have a lot to offer the younger man. There’s just one thing - he would just have to overlook the mood swings, hot flushes, irritability, exhaustion and general all-round crabbiness that comes with age.