ON Sunday evening I went through what any pet owner knows they will encounter at some point. I found my little cat dead in the garden.

I think he was probably hit by a car and managed to find his way back to the garden, but by the time I found him it was too late.

First thing on Monday morning I called Bradford Council’s environmental health department to ask for someone to remove the cat. “You’ll need to put it in a plastic bag and leave it on the pavement,” was the charming response I got from the woman on the other end of the line. I told her that I couldn’t bring myself to do that, which was why I was calling the council to see if they could send someone to do it.

“They won’t go in the garden,” she snapped. “You’ll have to put it on the pavement.”

“The cat is just a few yards from the pavement. I can leave the gate open if that helps. Could someone not collect him from where he is?” I asked.

“They won’t go in the garden,” came the reply.

In the end, my kind, capable brother put Bob, my cat, into a bin liner and left him by the pavement. I called the council back to let them know and was asked if I’d booked an appointment for a collection. “No, because the woman I spoke to earlier said we had to put the cat on the pavement first,” I said. “Okay. We’ll send someone out within two hours,” came the reply.

Surely it is more of a public health issue to leave a dead animal on a pavement - a public place where it can be mauled by other animals or found by children - than in a private garden.

And apart from anything else, there’s not much dignity for a dead pet in dumping it on a public walkway.

I don’t understand the council’s frankly odd rule about not setting foot into gardens. It doesn’t appear to be a blanket policy either. When I called about the removal of a sofa I’ve thrown out, which is currently sitting on my driveway, I asked if it was okay to leave it in the garden. “Yes, as long as there’s a cover on it, as they might not take it if it’s wet,” said the officer I spoke to, adding that there would be a £15 charge. (The words “What do I pay my council tax for? have entered my head several times over the past few days).

So it’s okay for environmental health staff to enter a garden to remove an old sofa - but when it comes to a dead animal they’re not allowed to do so, even if it means just walking a few yards from pavement to garden.

Common sense and compassion appear to have been lost in a sticky mass of bureaucratic red tape.

* APPARENTLY 80per cent of Brits mask their disappointment at an unwanted gift with a ‘present face’ at Christmas.

According to a survey by Homesense, 43per cent admit to practicing a facial expression of fake delight, in preparation for the unwrapping process.

Some of the most common present faces include, the ‘I love it’ (when I really don’t) pulled by just over half of us, the mock ‘You shouldn’t have face’ (when you really shouldn’t have) practised by 32per cent, and the ‘What on earth were you thinking?’ (No really, what were you thinking of?) face that 13per cent of us have admitted to making.

It’s a gamble, unwrapping a present in front of the person who has given it to you. But whatever it is, it’s not much effort to be polite and make the right noises, and facial expression. Anything else is the equivalent of that awful saying: “I’m just being honest”, which is just plain rude.

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