8:18am Tuesday 2nd June 2009
By Alan Molineaux
I have just started my fourth diet of the year so far. It’s not that the others were particularly unsuccessful, it’s just that they were interrupted by events that naturally called for me to eat all the wrong types of food.
A family get-together, a wedding, and a European Cup Final; the last one admittedly was comfort food.
So, here I am, looking to survive on healthy food again.
Apparently, breakfast is the most important meal of the day. I’m not sure who first started this rumour, but I would like to meet them and have a serious word. You see, I am not really interested in food at an early hour, and even less so if it contains no bacon.
Having not normally eaten breakfast during the diet season, I am often exceedingly hungry by the time lunch arrives, and often very disappointed at the prospect of having food that doesn’t include either bread or pastry.
So in an attempt at spicing up my diet, it has become my practice to visit the salad bar of my local supermarket; at least the produce is colourful, if still a little weightless.
In doing so, I have developed a particular technique for getting as much food into the plastic container as possible. To aid this there are a couple of rules that must be obeyed.
Firstly, you must never choose tomatoes as they take up far too much space and, as we are often told, they are a fruit and not a vegetable.
Secondly, you mustn’t fill your container with too many sauces; again these take up valuable food space and, using the same logic as above, are technically fluids and not vegetables.
Once these rules have been obeyed, the way that you pack your container is key.
The best technique is to extend the wall height by adding a layer of cucumber slices all the way around the sides. This allows for more healthy food to be added, thus increasing the effectiveness of your diet.
I have to admit that once the exercise is complete, you are left with a fairly workable meal that could only be improved with the presence of a couple of slices of bacon and a few crisps, if only to offer something to bite into.
There is one further rule that must be obeyed in these circumstances. No matter how tempted you are to add beetroot to the selection, you must resist.
On its own it is an intriguing colour of dark red that might give the impression of medium-rare meat, but once mixed with the salad dressings, it introduces a disappointing shade of pink to your food.
I might not be allowed meat but I am not going to eat anything pink. I have my standards!
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