Bradford Telegraph and Argus | Dave Barnett

Bring back the blood and guts!

Fri, 03 Feb 2012 08:55:38 +0000

I am seven years old and one of the biggest thrills of my life is buying a comic every week. Since I could read by myself I have been pestering my mum and dad to have a comic delivered with the newspapers.

Storm really puts the wind up me

Fri, 27 Jan 2012 08:40:42 +0000

I wake up on Saturday morning to find a perfect storm is about to break – both literally and metaphorically.

‘It’s lights, camera – £100,000!’

Fri, 20 Jan 2012 08:22:41 +0000

I am reading a story in the newspaper about someone who has made £100,000 from a video he uploaded on the video sharing website youTube. You may well have seen this video; it is of a small child biting another child’s finger.

It’s sink or swim in gale’s grip

Fri, 06 Jan 2012 08:38:21 +0000

Negotiating nine flights of stone stairs while carrying a stainless steel sink is not, I find, the easiest of tasks.

Aiming for a Swayze six-pack

Fri, 30 Dec 2011 08:46:22 +0000

I’ve never been one for New Year Resolutions, preferring instead to make promises which I fail to keep all year round rather than saving them up for a specific point in the calendar.

A Merry Winterval to you all

Fri, 23 Dec 2011 08:36:35 +0000

A lone figure is sitting at his desk, blowing on his fingers because – despite the comparitively mild Christmas, compared to last year – it is still ruddy cold in here. David Barnett, for it is he, warms his hands on the pale flame of the candle parked atop his monitor, and tilts at his festive offering... only to be disturbed by a painful wailing and an eerie glow.

Gearing up for big snow slowdown

Fri, 16 Dec 2011 08:26:57 +0000

There is a woman with an expression on her face that suggests she is not having a good day. She is sitting in her car on the main road at the bottom of our street, looking ahead at the long line of cars heading off into the kind of infinite vanishing point which telly scientist Brian Cox would make sound like the best thing since sliced bread.

New party trick is a success

Fri, 09 Dec 2011 08:32:35 +0000

There is a small child on all fours bounding after me across our kitchen, barking and snapping at my heels. Were this one of my own children I would know how to deal with the situation, but it is not. I am beginning to feel slightly panicky and shout for my wife to help.

Problem is common as muck

Fri, 02 Dec 2011 08:21:18 +0000

We are on our way to school and performing a weird little dance that is a cross between hopscotch, Twister and the Adventure Game that used to come on the telly with a grumbling alien plant called Uncle.

Don’t count on me for maths...

Fri, 25 Nov 2011 08:55:40 +0000

We are at school for parents’ consultation evening. This involves a ten-minute chat at a table facing a teacher, and when you have more than one child in the same school, it feels a bit like some weird version of speed-dating, where all the chairs are small, and there are three people involved. Hmm. Perhaps better not go there.