I don't know what you're looking for in a local councillor, but my wish-list generally includes making sure my bins are emptied; keeping an eye on planning applications in my ward; and ensuring that all the people they represent are fairly treated and have a voice in the democratic process that is local government.

What I don't really require from my local councillor is for them to repatriate all the non-white people in my neighbourhood back to "where they came from"; ensuring that my children get physically beaten by teachers for perceived wrongdoings; denying that six million Jewish people were murdered by the Nazis; and spending huge amounts of money on weapons.

Which is probably why I won't be voting for the British National Party on Thursday.

Oh, don't get me wrong. I understand why people vote for the BNP. It's because they are either racist or stupid. What other reason can there be for voting for representatives of the party headed by the man who has variously: referred to the Holocaust as "the Holohoax"; claimed that ordinary people find "these creatures so repulsive" in reference to gay people; and wrote a pamphlet claiming that the British media is controlled by Jewish interests who brainwash people into accepting multiculturalism?

There is one other reason why people say they vote BNP. They say it's a "protest vote" against the three major parties. This I can quite accept.

Tony Blair is not really the type of Labour prime minister I envisaged. David Cameron, quite bizarrely, seems to be setting himself up as a clone of Blair, which is a bit strange when Blair's New Labour is a clone of the Tories. Sir Menzies Campbell doesn't seem to really know which direction he wants to take the Liberal Democrats in. At least you couldn't say that about Charles Kennedy. He always knew which direction he was going, and it was generally towards the pub.

I confess to not really understanding the protest vote excuse. Why, when you feel let down by the mainstream political parties, would you vote for an extreme right-wing candidate? To send the "proper" parties a message that they aren't doing enough about many people's quite relevant concerns about immigration and crime? But why risk voting in a member of a right-wing organisation just so you can say: "That'll teach 'em"?

But say the BNP do get some more councillors in.

What are they going to do in Bradford? Is your local councillor going to go round with a Dulux paint colour chart and offer anyone whose skin looks too dark a free ride in a cattle truck to somewhere sunny?

You'll be glad to know your prospective BNP councillor will not, according to the BNP's manifesto, raise taxes. Which might pose a bit of a problem when they come to run the country thanks to all these protest votes. They're going to reorganise the education system (to include Christian assemblies at every school and reduction of meal choice - one set dinner plus an apple, kids! ), more hospital staff and and totally free healthcare, investment in public transport, higher pensions and boosting defence spending.

However, despite the London Chamber of Commerce saying that economic migrants are 'vital' to the success of the UK's economy, by their own admission the BNP will offer "generous financial incentives" to voluntarily repatriate people to the lands of their "ethnic origin".

It makes you wonder just how they plan to pay for all this. . . and what the cost of voting BNP might be for everyone.