Man's best friend is out to get me (From Bradford Telegraph and Argus)

Man's best friend is out to get me

4:06pm Tuesday 17th June 2008 in News By Kahn Johnson

I'm beginning to think Scamp is out to get me.

To look at him you wouldn't think him capable of devious and under-paw antics, but twice today he tried to trip me up.

Oh sure, he has a grin and a wag that makes you think all he cares about is where his next Schmacko is coming from, but don't be fooled.

[IMG]http://images.fotopic.net/?iid=yq66c0&outx=495&quality=70[/IMG] Setting off at our usual break-neck speed this morning, all was well. He was jogging alongside me, all 'dutiful doggie', faithfully keeping step as best he could.

As soon as we got to the playing field, however, he went from Dr Jeckyll to Mr Hound. A mere 30 seconds into the jog, he subtly crossed over behind me, from right to left.

Normally, of course, such actions would go unnoticed - but he was on his lead.

It's a needs-must kinda thing, you see. What with him being hard of hearing and unable to operate ears and nose simultaneously, you have to keep him close at hand or else he gets distracted and then you lose him. It's bad enough when he simply stops for a wee and turns to face the other way as he goes about his business. You may still be the two feet away you were 20 seconds earlier, but he's no longer looking at you, has forgotten that he's changed direction and nine times out of ten he sets off in a panic in the wrong direction.

So, the lead is a must.

Clearly, though, this is part of his plan. Dupe the human into thinking I'm stupid, he muses, and the human uses the lead. This keeps the human close, perfect for when the time is right. And he'll never suspect a thing....

Obviously, I'm not stupid (well, no more stupid than any other person who's decided to take up running after a decade of inertia) so after foiling the first attempt I let him off the lead and slowed down so as to keep him close-by.

This was obviously what he wanted me to do, as now he could bide his time and wait for the perfect moment to strike.

Which turned out to be when I turned a corner. As I veered round to the right he fixed his best innocent grin and kept running forwards, cutting across me like a Mini-driving boy racer on the M62. Only some nifty footwork on my part prevented me ending up face down in the mud.

Oh sure, he'd have made out it was an accident. He'd have looked concerned, wagged his tail in a slightly worried manner, sniffed anxiously, but inside he'd have been laughing.

Man's best friend? Yeah right....

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