LILLY dreads Friday nights. Every week it's the same - dad goes to the pub, comes home drunk and beats mum up.

Lilly feels helpless, frightened and even thinks she may be to blame for her dad's behaviour. Her schoolwork suffers, she begins to lose interest in her friends and thinks she's all alone on the world.

This is the kind of problem Time to Talk counsellors at Relate are helping children to talk about and come to terms with.

Nick Shillito, Relate manager at Keighley, says the new service is a great help for young people going through all kinds of problems at home or school.

"Some of these children are living in extremely distressing circumstances. They live in a home where there's a lot of abuse, whether it be physical or emotional, or they may even be abused themselves," he says.

"A child may see her father repeatedly beat her mother. The child might not be physically hurt herself but this is an abuse in itself."

The young clients receive one-to-one counselling in a quiet and comfortable room, which is similar to a typical sitting room in someone's home.

There are toys, and drawing materials available for the children to play with and Nick says using these objects can help the child express his feelings.

"Sometimes a child finds it difficult to put into words what he is going through. The counsellor may decide to use the toys and, for example, ask him to pick an animal which symbolises daddy, another for mummy and one for himself. This can say an awful lot about the situation he is in," adds Nick.

Counselling while the client is young will not only help them understand what is happening to them now, but it will also help them with future relationships.

Relate is better known for the counselling services it offers to adult couples having problems with their relationships.

And often when these adults begin to examine their problems, they find they stem from childhood experiences.

"If a girl grows up in a home where there's a lot domestic violence, where the father exerted a lot of control over everybody, it's likely she'll grow up to have problems with power and control in her relationships," he says.

"But some experiences effect different people in different ways. A child who sees his parents divorce can either become cynical about marriage, or vow to make his marriage work."

Counsellors who have worked with children before were specially selected to run the Time to Talk service.

"When you grow up you forget what it's like to be a child. At five-years-old your whole life is determined by your mum and dad, and who they are defines you. But when you wake up one morning and find dad or mum has gone, it's a terrible shock. And after that, for the rest of your life, you find that every time you're happy there's a fear that something is going to destroy it," says Nick.

Children's lives can be affected in many ways by their parents' relationship problems. In the case of divorce, a child may not only be without one of his parents, but also may have to move home, school and even town.

And a child does not always react to the problem when it happens. It may take years for distress or anxiety to develop.

"We may get a child referred to us because he is being bullied at school. After talking to him we may find that the real problem is something else that's happening or has happened at home," says Nick.

But counsellors do not promise to solve any problems, nor do they give the children advice. What they do do is empower the child to start making choices and feel he has some control over his life.

First, the counsellor will explore the situation with the child, then the child will begin to understand what is happening. Only then can the child move forward and try to make things better.

Young people can approach the centre themselves, or they are referred by a teacher, doctor or social worker. The counsellor will first speak to the child on the telephone before they meet up.

"By helping children to understand they are not worthless because one of their parents walked out we can help them in later life. There's a lot of anxiety at the moment about the disintegration of the family. One of the things we are trying to do is slow down this process. We have got to realise that for children who grow up in a broken family this will be the only model they know, and this will be perpetuated down the generations," says Nick.

"Children do need a lot of support and we hope through this service we will be able to help them feel a bit better about the situation they are in."

l Please note 'Lilly' is not the real name of a child being counselled.

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