Why I'm not the only one acting the fool
9:28am Tuesday 1st April 2008
You're either an April Fool person, or you're not. Me, I like practical jokes. Whoopee cushions. Contorting your face in agony and urging someone to quickly pull your index finger, then breaking wind (thanks for that one, Dad! A corker!), that sort of thing.
When I was young I would regularly wake up early at weekends, arrange a series of pillows under my sheets to look like I was still asleep, then wait for hours in the wardrobe for someone to come into the room. This, to be fair, was not generally a great success; my Mum or Dad would come in, glance at the bed and go out again. And that was it. Still, I would silently punch the air in the dark of my wardrobe; success!
Taking my cue from Whizzer & Chips and the Beano, I also hankered to place a bucket of water on the top of my ajar door and wait for someone to fall victim to it, but was strictly forbidden from doing this because, as was never really portrayed in the comics, a metal bucket full of a liquid could actually cause someone serious injury. So I used to shred bits of paper, fill a carrier bag, and tape that to the top of the door frame as well.
My wife, on the other hand, hates practical jokes. She doesn't see any humour whatsoever in breaking wind at any time, let alone with a comedy face and an exhortation to pull a finger. Thankfully, our four-year-old, Charlie, does seem to be taking after me and has a fair collection of whoopee cushions, plastic spiders and pretend nails that look like they've gone straight through your finger.
Similarly, I always used to try to do some kind of April Fool in the morning of the first of the fourth month (because everyone knows you've got to pull off your stunt before midday or the joke's on you).
The national newspapers and TV news programmes used to do it all the time; stories about spaghetti trees, and a particularly cerebral one by the Guardian one year inviting readers to enter a competition to win a holiday with Formula One star James Hunt on the paradise island of San Serriffe. Except San Serif (proper spelling) is actually a style of type font. I suppose you had to be there.
In these highly-cynical times, though, it's getting harder and harder to fool people. When you wake up every morning to news that is, frankly, unbelievable anyway, what's the point in trying to pull one over your readers or viewers?
So, by way of honouring the day, let's take a look at some ways in which other nations celebrate April Fool's Day. One of these is completely fictitious. If you can work out which one, please arrange an appointment with my secretary and you can come into the office to pull my index finger and watch me break wind: In France April 1 is known as "Poisson d'Avril" day, or April Fish. Those crazy Gauls go around trying to stick paper fishes on each other's backs. Bonkers!
In Flanders the joke involves children locking their parents out of their houses and only promising to let them back in if they give them sweeties.
The Germans call April 1 "Wurst-Tag" - literally, Sausage Day. Jokers stick long, thin, sausages in their ears and up their nostrils and leap out from behind corners and trees, startling passers-by.
The Iranians celebrate their practical joke day on April 3. Which is something George Bush should really watch out for.