DISCOVERING your child is self-harming can spark a cluster bomb of emotions, and for many parents, the first worry is about suicide.

“Parents are often very frightened, they think their child is going to kill themselves,” says Daphne Joseph, who manages the parent helpline at child and adolescent mental health charity, YoungMinds (youngminds.org.uk).

“Usually that’s a first concern. And they’re very confused, perhaps thinking, ‘How has this happened, why has this happened, what do I do here? There’s often a huge amount of panic, and upset.”

It’s an understandable concern - especially if a teenager’s cutting themselves. But while it’s important to remember that sometimes, young people who self-harm may be at risk of suicide, this is rare, and for the vast majority of cases, self-harming is a coping mechanism.

The suicide factor is “one of the major myths around self-harm”, notes counsellor and psychotherapist Liz Quish. “Often, the self-harming is actually the tool that gets them through,” she adds.

People who self-harm often describe it as a ‘release’ when they’re overwhelmed with emotion or frustration, and that causing themselves physical pain shifts their attention away from their emotional pain. Exact figures aren’t known, as not every self-harm case will come to the attention of doctors, but it is probably far more common than many realise; the NHS saw a 70% increase in the number of 10-14-year-olds treated for self-harm between 2012 and 2014, and it’s believed around 13% of 11-16-year-olds will attempt to hurt themselves at some point.

While cutting and scratching might be what most people commonly think of, burning - with cigarettes or lighters, hair-pulling, and even head-banging and biting, particularly in younger children, are other forms of self-harm. Then there are things like alcohol abuse.

The signs can sometimes be harder to spot in boys.

For parents, usually, the first step is addressing the shock. “There’s a lot of bewilderment. ‘Why is this happening?’” says Quish. Parents might feel guilty too, notes Joseph. It’s extremely common for young people to hide their self-harm, however, and Joseph stresses that parents shouldn’t blame themselves if their child confides in somebody else before them.

lThe YoungMinds parent helpline is 0808 802 5544