All a dream...

8:48am Monday 14th July 2008

The Scribbler emerged from the steaming shower cubicle, half a worn cake of Carbolic soap in his hand and the sudden realisation that it had all been a dream.

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The car's no longer the star

8:40am Monday 7th July 2008

The Scribbler was to be found this fine Saturday morning with a tub of Turtle Wax in one hand and a lint-free cloth in the other, lovingly polishing the offside wing of his beloved Austin Gearcruncher Mark IV. The motor was of a certain age, as they say about women, and like a woman of a certain age it needed careful handling, thought The Scribbler. In fact, it was a certain woman of a certain age he was thinking about when he made this rather tortuous analogy in his head, none other than the fragrant women’s editor of the T&A, Thelma Gusset (pronounced “Gussay”).

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A little bit saucy...

8:31am Monday 30th June 2008

"This is a very serious matter,” said the Assistant Editor with Special Responsibility for Monitoring Reporters’ Moral Welfare, looking very serious. “Sit down.” He closed the door of his partitioned-off corner of the newsroom.

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Pleasure of the pain!

11:32am Monday 16th June 2008

Previously in The Scribbler... As part of the Council's Bogs In Bars initiative, The Boilermaker's Arms has been forced to make its toilet facilities available to members of the public. Unfortunately, the pub is on the route for the many coach tours taking in the Yorkshire Dales, and is full of pensioners who don't buy beer all the time. The Scribbler, however, has a plan. Now read on...

Your good health?

8:31am Monday 2nd June 2008

The next paragraph, dear reader, will test whether or not you were paying attention last week. Here goes...

'Nothing ever happens here...'

8:42am Monday 19th May 2008

Emboldened by his recent success of his utterly fake "Polling Station" poster in the window of the Boilermaker's Arms, which had attracted unwitting would-be voters to spend money over the bar, Boris the Landlord had come up with another poster-based coffers-boosting scheme.

Calls my bluff

8:34am Monday 12th May 2008

The Scribbler stood for long moments observing the sign above the bar in the Boilermaker's Arms. "Can't make it to our pub quiz night?" he read aloud. "Then play by phone!"

Scribbler on the spot

8:36am Tuesday 6th May 2008

A rather uninspiring day all round, was The Scribbler's view of the local elections. Largely, of course, because he spent the time shuttling between the various election counts, trying to drum up something for a "sketch" type article while the rest of the reporters did the real work of noting who had won, who had lost and who had decided to stand for local government wearing a silly hat.

Birds of a feather

11:05am Monday 28th April 2008

So far: Erstwhile curmudgeonly columnist Hector Mildew is back on the scene, preparing to audition at The Boilermaker's Arms in the guise of Dirkus Thrust the Rock'n'Roll Roman. Will Wilf the Woolman be impressed enough to take on the superannuated singer as Saturday night's turn? Now read on There was a stunned silence in the tap room as Brenda and Glenda, the homely-looking twins recruited to be Dirkus's backing singers, closed the last song with a surprisingly well-synchronised "Sha-boom-boom wah-wah-wah-waaaah".

Hector rocks on

3:54pm Friday 18th April 2008

Previously: When a rock'n'roll act by the name of Dirkus Thrust, dressed like a Roman centurion, turned up to audition at the Boilermaker's Arms, The Scribbler thought there was something familiar about him. Now read on.

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