Learn to be a flirting expert (From Bradford Telegraph and Argus)

Learn to be a flirting expert

3:01pm Friday 21st November 2008 in Leisure By David Barnett

Presuming you’re young (ish), free and single – or in a relationship but quite prepared to risk it all for a knee-trembler with Sue from accounts – you might be getting your dander up for the office Christmas party over the next couple of weeks.

One too many lagers and the adrenaline brought on by a rousing rendition of I Wish It Could Be Christmas Every Day will mean that the inhibitions are falling faster than a Norway Spruce stuck at the side of a radiator at the annual work shindig.

The question is, how do you emerge from the debris of the office party with your dignity intact and having avoided unleashing a passion salvo at completely the wrong target, making you the talk of the water cooler until Easter?

A woman has penned a book to give us chaps the right steer when it comes to pulling a cracker at the office party. And if it’s more than a dimly-remembered clinch we’re looking for, Elizabeth Kuhnke, author of BodyLanguage For Dummies, says this is a great time of year to be looking for a new partner.

“The festive season is the ideal time to look for love,” she says. “Parties are in abundance meaning spirits are high and inhibitions are low.

“A man will tend to pursue a woman who may not be the most attractive in the room, as long as she’s giving off signals indicating her availability. The most important thing to understand when searching for a partner is how to communicate your interest.”

But how do men know that a woman is interested? Remember, just because she looks hot it doesn’t necessarily mean she’s hot to trot.

Elizabeth says: “Women focus on their hair, clothing and make-up when preparing to go out, but they must also remember that their body language is instrumental for gaining and maintaining the interest of a partner. Understanding the key signals matters more than an outfit.”

Here are the signals to watch out for, according to Jean Smith, a social anthropologist and founder of Flirting and Walking tours in London (allureseminars.com).

“The essence of a good flirt is confidence, empathy and humour,” says Jean. “A good flirt makes the other person feel good, and because they’re so confident, they don’t need the validation back – although they always get it.”

Peta Heskell, the original flirt coach and board member of the academy of marriage, sex and relationships (the wibsite is flirtingacademy.com), adds: “Flirting is a natural mechanism designed to help us send signals to someone we like so they might make the approach but some of us have had it parented, ‘friended’ or schooled out of us.”

The obvious signs to watch out for are eye contact and smiling, watch out for these tips that Elizabeth suggests might be signals that she’s interested: if she exposes her soft underarm, that could be a green light as it’s a part of the body most men find attractive. Also she says watch out for a woman who tilts her head up, revealing the skin on her neck, which will make the woman look “helpless and sexy, a combination few red blooded men can resist”.

A good flirt will also learn to read situations well. Jane Hoskyn, dating expert at iVillage.co.uk, says listening is key. She says that if a woman you’re talking to remembers things a man mentions early in the conversation and repeats them later, it makes you think you have a great deal in common.

On the other side of the coin, what are the tell-tale signals we men give away that show a woman we’re interested (apart from a tongue lolling on the table and a slurring assertion that “I’ve always fancied you, you know”)?

Elizabeth says: “If a man likes a woman, he’ll follow her eye contact by pushing his shoulders back and puffing out his chest – it’s a primate thing,” she says. “Also, he’ll give a suppressed smile and super-quick raised eyebrows.”

Finally, remember to not get too drunk, not to push it too far, and not to take unnecessary risks. Oh, and try not to wake up with the boss – especially if it’s a heterosexual bloke.